Decoding Dating Profiles: The Top 10 Guys You Want To Avoid

If his online dating profile has any of these red flags... move on to the next one, sweetheart!
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online dating

Having been online dating since moving to NYC in 2000, it goes without saying that I have more experience perusing men’s online dating profiles than any single gal should. I want to share with you what I’ve found to be the top ten dating profile “red flags” that could save you the ridiculous amount of time that I have now forever lost by corresponding with and/or going out with some total losers.

Disclaimer: To any of the men whose profiles inspired and unknowingly lent to the quotes that comprise my post, let’s all hope for your sake that knowing is truly half the battle.

Read Reject-Proof Pick-Up Tactics for the Savvy Single Girl

1. Hat Trick
If a guy’s profile only features photos of him sporting a baseball cap, don’t just assume that it’s his favorite hat or that all of the photos must have been taken from the same outing. In “physical description” he may have even filled in the question of “hair color” with “ask me later.” Don’t get me wrong, a lot of bald guys are hot. My dating service even offers a “Bald And The Beautiful” Speed Dating event that always sells out for women. What’s NOT hot is a self-loathing, insecure guy that’s hiding under his hat.

2. “Model” Citizen
Avoid a guy that talks about how he does some “acting and modeling on the side,” is a “former model/personal trainer,” or any variation of having once had a “lucrative career as a model.” They either feel that all they have going for them is their looks, are living in the past, or they’re not looking so great these days and are hoping by mentioning they used to model, you will find them hotter.

3. CAPITAL OFFENSE
ANY GUY THAT WRITES HIS ENTIRE PROFILE IN ALL CAPS SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS. I.E. “I`M JUST YOUR EVERY DAY PEOPLE AND WOULD LIKE TO MEET SOMEONE SEXY, AND DOWN TO EARTH.”  UH, CAPITAL “NO.”  IT’S AS IF THEY’RE OVER-COMPENSATING WITH LARGE FONT FOR THEIR SMALL INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY.

4. “Killer” Profile
If a guy’s profile pic even remotely resembles Jeffrey Dahmer, to the point where you’re seriously questioning if it is actually him or perhaps a first cousin, you might want to go ahead and click “next.”   You know what I’m talking about, the thin guy with the glasses, scraggily hair and a total menacing, pedofile-esque look on his smile-less face. Granted, some people aren’t photogenic and look better in person, but honestly, are you willing to risk your life on it?


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5 thoughts on “Decoding Dating Profiles: The Top 10 Guys You Want To Avoid

  1. Lennie Ross says:

    Great post! Easiest fix for guys is NO CAPS or excessive !!! or :) ’s – makes you automatically look desperate.

  2. blondeelicious says:

    #9 and #10 are COMPLETELY off… I just don't get #9 but I too find bad grammar a turn off so what's the big deal? And if the guy from profile #10 IS into sports and that's his main interest, then why shouldn't he use his "describe yourself" space accurately?

    1. Catherine says:

      You must have missed the typo in the sentence complaining about grammar/spelling. That's what the red flag is, not the sentiment itself.

  3. flightturn says:

    ? So to decipher your advice, if he claims to be romantic funny and generous that’s a red flag? Sorry — you’ve lost me. What should we look for then — psycho, tight-fisted straight lacers?

  4. flightturn says:

    ? So to decipher your advice, if he claims to be romantic funny and generous that's a red flag? Sorry — you've lost me. What should we look for then — psycho, tight-fisted straight lacers?

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