Having been online dating since moving to NYC in 2000, it goes without saying that I have more experience perusing men’s online dating profiles than any single gal should. I want to share with you what I’ve found to be the top ten dating profile “red flags” that could save you the ridiculous amount of time that I have now forever lost by corresponding with and/or going out with some total losers.
Disclaimer: To any of the men whose profiles inspired and unknowingly lent to the quotes that comprise my post, let’s all hope for your sake that knowing is truly half the battle.
1. Hat Trick
If a guy’s profile only features photos of him sporting a baseball cap, don’t just assume that it’s his favorite hat or that all of the photos must have been taken from the same outing. In “physical description” he may have even filled in the question of “hair color” with “ask me later.” Don’t get me wrong, a lot of bald guys are hot. My dating service even offers a “Bald And The Beautiful” Speed Dating event that always sells out for women. What’s NOT hot is a self-loathing, insecure guy that’s hiding under his hat.
2. “Model” Citizen
Avoid a guy that talks about how he does some “acting and modeling on the side,” is a “former model/personal trainer,” or any variation of having once had a “lucrative career as a model.” They either feel that all they have going for them is their looks, are living in the past, or they’re not looking so great these days and are hoping by mentioning they used to model, you will find them hotter.
3. CAPITAL OFFENSE
ANY GUY THAT WRITES HIS ENTIRE PROFILE IN ALL CAPS SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS. I.E. “I`M JUST YOUR EVERY DAY PEOPLE AND WOULD LIKE TO MEET SOMEONE SEXY, AND DOWN TO EARTH.” UH, CAPITAL “NO.” IT’S AS IF THEY’RE OVER-COMPENSATING WITH LARGE FONT FOR THEIR SMALL INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY.
4. “Killer” Profile
If a guy’s profile pic even remotely resembles Jeffrey Dahmer, to the point where you’re seriously questioning if it is actually him or perhaps a first cousin, you might want to go ahead and click “next.” You know what I’m talking about, the thin guy with the glasses, scraggily hair and a total menacing, pedofile-esque look on his smile-less face. Granted, some people aren’t photogenic and look better in person, but honestly, are you willing to risk your life on it?