In most cases, it’s what you wear that’s going to help accentuate your features. While jeans and short-shorts certainly help enhance a woman’s junk in the trunk, Bruce the sports writer still enjoys what women wore in his Glory Days; even if it’s his own girlfriend who is letting it all hang out.
“When I was younger, I wanted any girl I was with to wear baggy sweatshirts and sweatpants anytime she left the house,” Bruce says. “Now, I don’t care. I like to stare at every nice bootie I see, so why shouldn’t everyone else? Anytime you can make another guy look at your girl, then look at you and say, ‘How on Earth did that guy end up dating that ass?’ is a good thing. As far as what women should wear, I’m still stuck a decade or two in the past. I like skirts and nylons, which you don’t see that often anymore. An 80-year-old woman could walk past me wearing black nylons and I’d still look twice.”
The key to maintaining that nice backside, so Bruce will still stare at you when you’re 80, is not a mystery. It’s all about the effort you put into looking your best.
“Hit the gym,” Jake, a 25-year-old PR guy living in Vermont, says. “Just take care of yourself. You don’t have to be perfect, but don’t neglect it. Remember, as Kate Moss says, ‘Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.’ Also, never wear padded panties if you think your butt is too small, that’s just a major turn-off.”
If you have a big butt and think it may be too big, or have a small one and want to add a little something extra, don’t fret (and seriously, please don’t wear padded panties). We don’t expect you to look like Kate Moss if you’re built like Kim Kardashian or Jennifer Lopez. We just want you to be proud of what your mama gave you.
“Many other factors go into why a guy likes a woman – it’s not just because her butt is too small or even too big,” Mike the police officer says. “That being said, a woman with curves who stays in shape will absolutely have an advantage.”
After all, as Freddie Mercury sang, “Fat bottomed girls/ You make the rockin’ world go round.”
Please, keep the world going, ladies.
Tell us: Do you love your bootie? Does your man love it even more?
Justin DeMarco is a New York City-based writer. He co-wrote Hockey: The Musical with Rick Wilson, which premiered at the Toronto Fringe Festival in 2008.