Do Men Lie About Porn Usage? Do Women Go Ballistic?

... In my case, kinda, yeah, I did go ballistic when it came to porn.
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Do Men Lie About Porn Usage? Do Women Go Ballistic?

… In my case, kinda, yeah.

-Emily Southwood

An unhappy woman glaring at her partner

Recently, responses to the Daily Beast article “The John Next Door” have spawned several online debates about how much we want, or should be able, to know about our partner’s porn habits. Over at The Good Men Project, Hugo Schwyzer and Aaron Gouveia had it out in “A Vehement Disagreement About Porn” and The Frisky interviewed men on how they feel about the topic in a piece called, “Are You Honest About Your Porn Usage?” An overarching theme in these articles has been: men lie about porn because women go ballistic.

The reason this back and forth interests me is that in my relationship the above statement rang once pretty darn true. Now, I hate being a cliché. And we all know there’s nothing more cliché than a bat &*^% crazy woman. But when it came to porn, I’ve occasionally behaved like one. Here’s how this routine played out in our relationship. And in the end, improved it for the better.

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I’m not someone who grew up watching pornography. What can I say? I was a prudish teen. And, as a product of my feminist twenties, I was probably a little suspicious of a world where all women were barely legal, sporting pigtails and silicon. So when my now hubby and I started dating, we didn’t talk about porn much. I knew that he watched it “occasionally.” We watched it together a few times. But when he landed a job filming a reality TV show about porn stars while we were engaged, let’s just say the topic came up a bit more. And along with it, so did my man’s predilection for fibs about porn. Along with my occasional moral outbursts about the expectations porn creates in men.

On one occasion, we had a—rather hilarious in retrospect—blow out about squirting. In short, he told me an offhand lie about his preference (or lack-there-of) for this particular genre. Days later, a fight ensued when he mentioned he’d been watching a lot of a porn star named Cytheria—you may know her, she’s quite talented. Anyway, let’s just say that in the face of his dumb-ass-lie, I pulled a Britney. He recoiled. I should mention that he was actually filming squirting scenes at the time, which exacerbated my neurosis a tad… Luckily I didn’t actually shave my head.

But instead of dumping me or locking me up in a mental institution, my man hashed it out with me. I communicated how his lies (there were a few around this time) made me feel excluded and reinforced the idea that he was hiding something because he thought I wouldn’t like it. My brain’s translation: Why shouldn’t I like it?

On the other hand, did I completely understand why he would gloss over the truth to avoid feeling shamed or judged? Duh, that one wasn’t in code.


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One thought on “Do Men Lie About Porn Usage? Do Women Go Ballistic?

  1. seo toronto says:

    Some people, including pornography producer Larry Flynt and the writer Salman Rushdie, have argued that pornography is vital to freedom and that a free and civilized society should be judged by its willingness to accept pornography.

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