Emmys Recap – Boob Tube of the Week
What were they thinking?
– Carrie Seim
The 60th annual Emmys started with a surprise appearance from Oprah. Unfortunately this was a boring, depressing, and lame-o surprise. Lady O – you’re supposed to uplift us, not kick off the awards by saying “these are not easy times.” Ugh.
Things then plummeted from blah to God awful. In what could be the most awkward/uncomfortable/unfunny (did I mention awkward?) start to an awards show ever – the five hosts began the show with no script. Instead, Ryan Seacrest, Howie Mandel, Jeff Probst and Tom Bergeron stood next to a tuxedo-clad Heidi Klum and fidgeted and fumbled for a good 10 minutes with zero jokes, zero charisma and zero professionalism.
It was an embarrassment to the show and the audience. Heidi Klum couldn’t even save things by getting her clothes ripped off – by a red-faced William Shatner. (WTF!??) AWKWARD!!
Luckily, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler approached the podium next, and you could feel a sigh of relief spreading around TV Land. Thank you, funny ladies, for saving the evening. They delivered an Emmy for best supporting actor in a comedy to Jeremy Piven, who wasted no time nailing the hosts.
“What if I just kept talking for 12 minutes, what would happen? Oh, that was the opening.”
Ha! Thanks, Jeremy, for acknowledging that we were all just forced to sit through a pile of crap served up by performers who are being paid enough to know better.
TV’s best continued to shame the hosts with their brilliant wit. Here are some of our favorite quips from the night:
“Don’t cry, it’s pathetic. It’s just an award.” – Ricky Gervais, advising winners on how to properly accept an award.
“Kathryn Heigl told me she didn’t think my material was Emmy-worthy” – Conan O’Brien, on why his presenter speech was so short.
“When I was a kid, I used to dress up and play “60th Annual Emmy Awards Show.'” – Steve Martin, on his lifelong- preparation for this night.
“I have watched, studied and thought about actresses since the 1970s.” – Alec Baldwin, giving a shout out to lady actors.
“Thank you for giving me this amazing opportunity … to talk about a period in our history when articulate men, articulated complex thoughts in complete sentences. They used words – ” Kirk Ellis, cut off by a commercial break while accepting an award for writing “John Adams.” Score one for the irony department!
“I sat through ‘Evan Almighty,’ give me my Emmy!” – Ricky Gervais, demanding his Emmy back from Steve Carell.
“If you go to a wedding and tell people you’re a writer, they’re less interested in talking to than if you tell them you’re an actress.” – Tina Fey, on why being a writer is so great.
“We are on Sarah Palin’s ‘Bridge to Nowhere’ right now” – Howie Mandel. Yes, Howie, you are.
“Get up!!” Kathy Griffin to audience, while introducing Don Rickles.
Kathy (to Mr. Rickles): “I think we’re supposed to get back to the teleprompter.”
Mr. Rickles (oozing sarcasm): “Oh really, cuz it’s a hot show.” Then, brilliantly: “Okay, let’s read these funny lines they wrote for us.” (We love you, Don, for having the balls to say what we were all thinking!)
“I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities. Well done, that is what all parents should do.” – Tina Fey, on accepting her award for Best Actress.