Fanning old flames

ASK REAL GUYS Fanning old flames Dear ASK REAL GUYS: Why would your old flame, who got married a month ago, tell you that you still cross his mind from time to time? The reason I ask, is that I contacted my old flame out of the blue to say hello, and I will confess, […]

ASK REAL GUYS

Fanning old flames

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: Why would your old flame, who got married a month ago, tell you that you still cross his mind from time to time?

The reason I ask, is that I contacted my old flame out of the blue to say hello, and I will confess, to send out feelers to see if I still cross his mind as he does mine. I received an e-mail back the same day telling me he had been pleasantly surprised to hear from me. He goes into telling me all about his children and what they are doing, than he comes out with “Oh by the way, I got married…” He does not mention much more about the marriage other then it’s a “Brady Bunch”.

Instead, he goes on to tell me there are many things he feels he wants to say to me but probably shouldn’t, that he thinks of me from time to time and pictures me with warmth and fondness, and here’s the real confusing part. His last sentence, before he says he would like to hear more about what is going on in my life, is that he once told me a few years ago he was thinking of me and that this was not well received ( by me). That is not how I remember it at all.

This man rocked my world for a very short period of time, then he pulled away blaming it on confusion from his recent divorce, not ready to give me what I wanted or deserved at that time, but he never really closed the door either. He left it open just enough in case I guess he wanted to return. Well 21 months later, he is remarried with a blended family.

Why would he mention all of the above? You’re married, end of story, door closed. Am I reading into this? Is this a normal response?

Steven: The answer is it doesn’t matter. After all, if the roles were reversed and you were his wife, how would you want someone like you to respond to him? What if you start to rekindle things, have an affair, he leaves his wife and you get married? You’ll always wonder whether he would do the same to you. So no matter what, this is a dead issue. Respect the marriage, respect yourself, cease contact and move on.


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