So, what are guys supposed to do when they actually enjoyed the company of their buddy’s ex-girlfriend?
If it weren’t for the movie, When Harry Met Sally, I’d say they should just hang out. Instead Billy Crystal’s character, Harry Burns, had to share his theory with Meg Ryan’s character, Sally Albright, that guys can’t be friends with attractive girls because they want to have sex with them, but girls can still be friends with guys.
That seems to be the main issue for guys when it comes to talking to a friend’s ex. The logic is, if my ex-girlfriend is hot, and of course she is because I dated her, my friends would want to date her or hook up with her too.
“Guys stop talking to their buddy’s exes for one of two reasons,” Ian, a 22-year-old New York City EMT, says. “One is that they respect their friend’s feelings and want to make it is easier on him. And two is because your buddy will probably be worried that since she is now single, his friends will end up trying to get with her and that would just make a mess of things.”
That is unless the guy friend hires a dating coach to clean everything up.
Dr. Ofer Batt, a dating coach in Los Angeles for hollywoodwingmen.com and author of the soon to be published book, How to Succeed with Women without Being Weird: A Practical Guide to Dating, says it’s okay to still hang out with your buddy’s ex, as long as you’re honest with him about your intentions.
“With regards to talking to and dating a buddy’s ex-girlfriend, I advise my clients to simply ask their buddy if it’s okay to stay friends with or to date his ex,” Dr. Batt says. “The best approach is to talk to your friend and say you respect his friendship. Then tell him that you’re interested in talking to or dating his ex, but out of respect you wanted to ask if it was okay with him before you move forward. Usually, he will be so impressed that you asked for his approval that he will say yes. Sometimes he will say no, and it’s best to respect his wishes. I would advise against telling your buddy’s ex too much about him. You are a mutual friend, not a spy between them.”