Guys Answer: Why Your Ex-Boyfriend's Friends Won't Talk To You Anymore

Getting the cold shoulder from your ex's pals after you breakup? Real guys tell us why!
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And that’s another reason guys are wary about talking to a friend’s ex. He doesn’t want to come off as a snitch or be put in a situation where he says something completely inappropriate or has to sit through a conversation with an ex ripping on his friend.

“I don’t talk to any of my buddies ex-girlfriends after they breakup,” Alex Monroe, founder and editor-in-chief of, says. “I just get a weird vibe talking to them. I guess it depends on the break up, but once it’s over, talking to them is not the same.”

Read 5 Signs He Isn’t Over His Ex

For Greg, a 29-year-old IT Analyst for a New York Investment bank, it comes down to whom he knew first. “If one of my guy friends dated someone and I knew her only through him and they broke up, I wouldn’t stop talking to the girl outright, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to call and hang out with her either. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a ‘bros before hoes’ thing, but I would never want to not be able to hang out with one of my best friends or make it uncomfortable for them if I had made plans with an ex of his.”

Greg made sure to point out that if the situation was turned around and a female friend of his broke up with a guy he became friends with, he’d stop talking to that guy since he knew him through her.

I just hope no more of my guy friends break up with their girlfriends. I don’t want to be stuck in this lose-lose situation again.

Tell us: Have any friends of guys you dated completely cut you out once your relationship with his friend was over?

Justin DeMarco is a New York City-based writer. He co-wrote Hockey: The Musical with Rick Wilson, which premiered at the Toronto Fringe Festival in 2008.

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0 thoughts on “Guys Answer: Why Your Ex-Boyfriend's Friends Won't Talk To You Anymore

  1. It’s a shame that this happens, especially if you’ve been dating the person for a long time. His friends become your friends, so when you breakup, you’re not losing just him – a bunch more people are leaving your life. It’s sad.

  2. This actually goes both ways, although not for the When Harry Met Sally reason. It’s quite 8th grade, but if a guy becomes friends with his girlfriend’s pals, those friends will most likely disappear if they break up. From what I’ve encountered, for women, it’s a case of girl solidarity. I was friends with her first, and she’s hurting because of him, so I can’t be his friend without appearing disloyal.

  3. Ugh! This is definitely a tough one; I recently learned that guy friends and boyfriends come in packages like that…

    I still hang out with my ex though since he’s still my best friend–weird, isn’t it? Things will all end in tears after this, but the insight in this article really hits the spot. Sad stuff~

  4. Yeah I think it’s kinda weird how girlfriends of friends will often try to become closer friends with me as soon as they break up. Being friends with Ex’s friends is messy and a lot of work. Why would you choose to try to strengthen the friendship then?

  5. That is such a childish and immature perspective, but typical of guys. If someone wants to be a real friend and not just an acquaintance thru a third party with you, why not? It’s only until you find yourself in the middle of circumstances where you have no friends do you wish you thought twice about turning them away.

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