ASK REAL GUYS
He Talks About Other Women
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I originally met my boyfriend Stephen on Craigslist and we recently celebrated our 21-month anniversary. Unfortunately he is a bit of a ladies’ man, very charming and super handsome. He makes no bones about the fact that he has always adored and appreciated female beauty, so it came as no surprise to me when he started making remarks about other women. If these glances or comments only happened when he was alone or with another male friend, then it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. The problem is, he does this quite frequently when we are together.
I can handle the comments once in a while, but it seems to be a constant thread. I have mentioned my feelings to him several times in the past, and at the time he got the message. However, it comes up in such a way that I think there is some kind of overkill going on here.
For example, tonight we went to see the new Woody Allen movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona and I thought it was wonderful and so did Stephen. But case in point: In some of the Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz scenes, he would turn to me and say, “Just look at those two together on the screen. They are two beautiful women, aren’t they?”
This subject also came up again while walking home after the movie, and several times after that.
So, when my love professes his undying love to me (and I have to say, his actions are extremely sweet and wonderful and we have a very hot sex life), this part of him confuses me greatly.
I don’t want to beat him over the head with it. So I would GREATLY appreciate your thoughts on the matter. Also, I am not stupid, I realize that men are visual and love looking at beautiful women. My question is: Why does he do this so frequently in my presence?
Steven: Well the fact that he expresses himself about being attracted to other women is better than him taking action and acting on those desires while he is in a committed relationship. Also, him remarking about movie stars is not a big deal. As a whole it is better for him to express it to you than for him to bury his thoughts and feelings where they may fester.
What is a big deal is if it makes you feel insecure. If so, then that is something to take a look at more deeply. Also, if this is really extreme and he is not willing to stop maybe it is time to do exactly what he does to you with regards to other men. Sometimes people don’t realize how they come across until they see that behavior done to them. Maybe a little dose of his own medicine might cause him to tone it down a bit. If you do this, it can’t be fake and it can’t just be a little medicine. It has to be a heavy dose and continual. If that doesn’t faze him and he has a disregard for being at least somewhat respectful then at least you know the truth. Then you just need to decide if this is something you can put up with or it is time to move on.
Hopefully, based on what you wrote and his “undying love” for you, this will get handled in such a way that you can move forward and be self-expressed and happy together.