What Would Debbie Do?
He’s Always On My Case
I’m having a hard time justifying my urge to break up with my boyfriend. He’s very sweet and I know he cares about me, but I can’t deal with him putting me down all the time. He claims he’s only joking, and I’m sure he is – but that doesn’t help my sensitive ego. He never shows support (nor does he defend me) and is constantly teasing me about my weight — I’m a whole 100 pounds. He also pokes fun at my ‘attempts’ at baking, which everyone but him appreciates.
We’re about to go off to college, and I don’t want a bitter end. How can I tell him that while I care about him, I can’t deal with the put-downs anymore?
–Thank you, Put Down
Dear Put Down,
Let me say this loud and clear: Any man who feels the need to belittle a woman — or anyone, for that matter — clearly has an insecurity problem. When someone projects their own inadequacies onto you, it’s simply un-cool. I suggest you sit him down, tell him wholeheartedly how his constant picking, his subtle innuendos, and insults make you feel, and tell him if he continues to do it, you’ll have no choice but to leave him.
NO ONE should endure a barrage of insults for any reason whatsoever. It’s unacceptable, disrespectful, and indicative of a deeper problem. Set him straight right now, or recognize that you’re accepting a pattern of behavior that will never end.
On the flip side, do NOT take his quips personally. Detach yourself from any ugly comments hurled at you. And remember this: You are special, unique and capable. Never let anyone-much less a man-take that from you.
That’s what I would do.