“I would like to know in person to see if they will tell me why they’re breaking things off,” says Derrick H., 40, from Georgia. “Their body language will give me a lot of answers.”
Adam L., a dating coach from Boston, suggests, “This is a ‘white lie,’ but the most pain free way for a girl to reject a guy is to say she’s gotten back together with her ex-boyfriend. This implies that there’s nothing wrong with the guy that she’s rejecting.”
“If they’ve only gone on one date,” he says, “then I would recommend just avoidance. I personally don’t believe that you owe anyone an explanation for anything if you’ve only met up once. I personally believe that this is still respectful.”
Brian F., a relationship writer from California, offers the following advice: “Call him up, and tell him you appreciate the time you’ve spent together, but you don’t want to waste anyone’s time by continuing to date because you’re no longer interested. If he asks what happened, just say he’s not your type. If he asks what your type is, just say you have to go. You don’t owe him any closure other than the respect of calling him up and telling him it’s over. He may be mad at you, but that wont last long. And don’t tell him you want to be friends, unless you really do. You only offer that as a solution for your own guilt.”
Ouch! Brian’s right about that last part (do you ever really want to be friends?) but it’s hard to hear, because breaking it off with someone does make you feel guilty, no matter how you do it.
But, it’s apparent that guys would rather have you be up front and honest than “forget to call them back” or lead them on for weeks until they give up… because that’s not nice. And now, we know better.
Tell us: how do you reject a guy who just doesn’t do it for you? And guys, do you have any other suggestions for us ladies on how to let you down the “right” way?
Faye Brennan is assistant editor at BettyConfidential.