How Women View the Casual Hookup (And the Rules We Want Men to Follow)

Believe it or not, women are very capable of and enjoy casual relationships, as long as there are no gray areas.
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couple undressing in bed

3. Don’t do coupley things.
In order for a casual hookup to truly work, dates and hanging out outside the bedroom are big no-nos. If we’re at a party with a bunch of mutual friends, or if it’s a quick drink at the bar before heading back to his place, then fine. Other than that, women do not want to be taken out to dinner or spend significant one-on-one time with their hookup because it gets really confusing, really fast. Immediately, thoughts come to mind such as, “Is he developing feelings for me? Does he want to try to date me now?” etc. Trust us when we say we do NOT want to enter this gray area.

Read Do You Consider Lap Dances Cheating?

4. Be respectful.
Yes, this relationship is based around sex – a very primal, physical act. However, both the guy and the girl in the casual relationship should treat each other with respect. This takes some feeling out in the beginning of what’s okay, not okay for each person (No, it’s not okay for you to leave the nano-second you finish), and then to be mindful of these preferences. Also, the amount of effort being put into the casual hookup should be equal unless otherwise specified. If we’re always making the treck to his place and arriving an hour late to work every Wednesday, we’re going to start resenting him, and vice versa.

5. Check the emotions at the door.
Which brings us to the last rule: resentment is an emotion, and there is no room for emotions in a casual hookup. It’s harsh, and seems a bit unnatural to some, but it’s true. This is probably the most difficult part about these situations, because over time, you can’t help if you develop feelings. That’s why it’s important to address these feelings (out loud) as soon as they crop up in order to avoid one helluva mess. This tends to be the reason why not all people are cut out for casual hookups – the chemicals that get released during sex, including oxytocin and phenylethylamine, make it hard to not feel emotionally connected to a sexual partner.

But, that’s the name of the game, folks! It’s called “casual” for a reason – and, as long as the guy follows these rules, casual it will stay!

Tell us: Have you ever tried casually hooking up with someone? How did it go?

Faye Brennan is senior editor at BettyConfidential.


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0 thoughts on “How Women View the Casual Hookup (And the Rules We Want Men to Follow)

  1. Athirson says:

    The gist of the article seems to be–just be upfront about it. Which is what we’ve been telling you ladies all along. Just tell us what you want. You’re a helluva lot less likely to get what you want when you “drop subtle hints” or play games. In order to get what you want, know what you want and ask for it!

  2. K S says:

    Was the research for this piece seeing “No Strings Attached”?

    The idea that FBNYC is writing on behalf of most women is silly. The poll on this website now (25 whole respondents!) does not support her assertions.

  3. whoiamnow says:

    I’m in a NSA relationship and this article is right on. The guy calls or texts me and I’m totally expecting a hook up but he just wants to talk. So I told him uh-uh, no talking to me unless it’s to set up a time and place. I hate that he wants more because he’s ruining good thing for me.

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