I'm In Love With Two Guys!

Ask Your Friend...Ask Your Shrink: A married woman is falling in love with another man
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I’m In Love With Two Guys!

Ask Your Friend…Ask Your Shrink: A married woman is falling in love with another man.

-Libby Keatinge and Dr. Morris Halperin

Libby Keatinge and Dr. Morris Halperin

Dear Libby and Dr. Halperin,

Hi – I have a really tough question. I am married to a guy that I love to death and been married for almost 5 years now, but I started talking to a guy that I went to school with. My husband can be rude, hateful, inconsiderate, etc… almost all the time and when I talk to this guy that I went to school with he makes me feel like I am wanted and loved, he is really nice; with that said I am falling for him while loving my husband. What should I do, do you think I need to back off of this guy that I went to school with or should I leave my husband? We have a kid together and that makes it even harder to decide.

-In Love With Two Guys

Read I Slept With My Friend’s Husband!

Libby says:

Dear “In Love With Two Guys” I don’t think you are totally in love with your husband, because why do you feel the need to seek attention elsewhere? I hear a lot of fear in your question. You say your husband is “rude, hateful, and inconsiderate,” so then, why are you still with him? If he really has those traits, then why would you want to be with someone like that, or for that matter, have your son around someone like that?

It seems you are unhappy in your marriage, and I don’t think it has much to do with this other guy. I think you are unhappy and you are seeking happiness elsewhere, but as they say, “You can’t be happy with someone else unless you’re happy with yourself,” so I think you really need to do an inquiry on your situation and decide what is best for you and your son.

I do not recommend jumping from one relationship to another, but I do think it is clear that something needs to change in your current situation.

Read what Dr. Halperin advises next…

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7 thoughts on “I'm In Love With Two Guys!

  1. Dear Two Guys,
    I can totally relate to you! I, myself, am married to a good guy for 7 years now, nothing wrong with the marriage and then I met this guy 4 months ago and as fate would have it, we are now having a beautiful love affair. The thing is, I love them both and have no intention of giving up any of them right now… call me selfish but I am having the best of both worlds. I think it is possible to love 2 men at the same time… it depends on your definition of love and the level of love you have for each man. I let myself fall for the other man because, my perspective on life is, it is short and precious that I want to live each day (not merely exist), that I don’t want to go through life without experiencing any opportunity that comes my way… carpe diem. You think my morals are loose? Who’s to judge? Society and the rules we live by? I don’t know… all I know is I am happy, both men complete me. I hope you’ll be happy too :)

  2. WOOOOW!! Well… I completely agree with Dr Halperin. You need to be happy inside of yourself first before you can find real happiness with a mate. Speaking of which… your legal spouse seems to be just that: a spouse and not a true MATE you’re happy with at all. Deal with him first; perhaps couseling will help you both?
    I went through hell and my children suffered because my “spouse”, their biological father, would not get help and I did not leave him. I ended up in a wheel chair and my girls are all grown and cannot find lasting happiness with a mate. So fix your marriage or get out while you can and the damage hasn’t been done … yet! Good luck! Perhaps Santa’s present to you this year is Freedom!

  3. Well, you’re in love with two people, welcome to the 21st century =) I think it boils down to flat out getting used to someone. That basic day to day (year to year) monotony over a period of time just begs for something different to come along. Not necessarily a person, just experiences in general. So you’ve been with this guy for 8 years, you’ve seen him when he was sick (back when it used to be cute), you’ve washed his dirty undies, you’ve seen him look his best, you’ve seen him look his worst, you’ve heard all of his high school top athlete stories, all of his college rendezvous. He’s made you mad, he’s made you cry, he’s made you laugh uncontrollably but at the end of the night, when he takes his shirt off, you know exactly what you’re gonna see. When you two make love, you know exactly what he’s good at, you know exactly what he’s gonna do, you know exactly how you’re gonna feel and you know exactly how he’s gonna sound. Now this new person comes along, he can break all of that monotony. You don’t know this person so well, you don’t know what he sounds like in bed, you haven’t heard any of his stories before, he hasn’t grown on you yet not to mention the sheer excitement of doing something you’re not supposed to be doing after being stuck in the same routine for so long. It must be an exciting feeling to have someone really listen to you again, and really interact with your conversation when you two talk, almost like it was meant to be, like he’s your soulmate. I think all of that is pretty natural, 8 years with this mystery man, and you’ll be seeking someone else out, and that will continue to happen as long as you let it. Not to say loving two people is wrong because what happens can’t have happened any other way and life is short, we all want to feel significant. Having someone else make you feel that way is usually the most effective route.

  4. It is better to get out of your marriage before jumping into something else. You could possibly lose both of them.

    It is not true love, it is lust for the old friend from school. Do you really think he respects you? He is thinking that you would do the same to him if you did eventually have a relationship. He is having it all! Listen to the doctor.

  5. Let me say first that I can understand being in love with your husband and all the negatives are being tolerated by you. The basic question is he violent and/or controlling? If so, then it is time to get out of them marriage if he does not go to counseling. There is far more harm to come to you and your children if he is violent or controlling if it doesn’t allow you to be your own person. SAFETY FIRST FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN, PERIOD! From what you are saying it does not appear that he would be the type of man who would appreciate a marriage that would allow another male to enter within your relationship. There are men out there, many more than I ever believed could be, that do not mind if their wife has a lover, and in fact would appreciate her to bring this person into their relationship. I for one never thought I would be one of these until the thought of my wife not being able to become pregnant came up shortly after we were married. I immediately thought of the test tube babies and new science. That did not go well with me at all. I then told my wife that I would much rather for her to take to bed one of our male friends and have a baby with him. The child to be raised by us and be our family. However, I would not deny access to the child by the biological father, if he wanted this too. I just did not, and still do not appreciate the cold science of impregnating a woman with tubes and bright lights, etc. I wanted my wife to be able to enjoy the moment she made her baby being loved so she could have the most wonderful memories of this. That gave me my first clue I would not mind another male within our relationship. That process was not necessary, but the thought stuck with me. Today, 38 years later we are still married and I would love my wife to take another lover. I know it would be a turn-on for me, and knowing my wife I know she would enjoy all the attention plus the added excitement of having two lovers at all levels. The problem is she refuses to take the step into the unknown. I would do almost anything for her to say yes to this. I am apologize for going off track here, but wanted to give at least one males view point on the subject. As I originally stated there are men that would not mind this if all is open to him and you realize in the end the marriage between you and your husband is primary to an added lover. The things to be concerned about is safety for you and your children. So start there analyze your situation carefully and go from there. If it is questionable as to whether your husband would allow another male into your life then try fantasy games into your sex life and see what happens. Good luck, but by all means keep your safety in mind. I hate men who abuse their wives or children and have no time for them what-so-ever. Good luck

  6. I think the Dr.s gave some good advice… I think the key here is the point that you wouldn’t have feelings for someone else if you were happy at home. I personally think you need to seriously make the effort, with your husband, to make things better in the marriage. This new guy has just made you remember what it was like being in love with your husband and don’t forget, everything is better in the beginning then the issues start to bubble up after time. use this as an opportunity to re-connect with you husband and decide if the marriage is worth continuing.
    Sending love and positive vibes.

  7. I have a fiance him and we have been together for a year and a half and we've been through so much chaos including domestic violence. I've been talk to my ex from when I was 15 and I still love my ex we still live each other but we are friends before anything. I will not let Danny go ever and I still love my fiance I love them both with a passion and for different reasons. I Just don't see me picking one or the other but my hear says I love my ex more and my fiance I will give him everything I have, but he throws it away. I sorta am falling out of love with my fiance and my ex will always be here for me no matter what happens like hes always kept in touch with me since we were 15 now we are 22 hes older though..

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