I Slept With A Guy And Now He Doesn’t Want To See Me
Ask Your Friend…Ask Your Shrink: A college girl sleeps with a guy and suddenly he is too busy for her.
-Libby Keatinge and Dr. Morris Halperin
Dear Libby and Doctor Halperin,
I met this guy at my campus, and I really like him. At first, I thought things were fine … but then everything changed the 18 of August when we had sex at my dorm. Since then, we don’t even text, because he does not respond me at all. The last time I texted him to tell him that I’m confused, and ask him to let me know what is the matter, he said, “I told you we are not girlfriend and boyfriend, all we are is just close friends.”
I knew we were not dating yet, but I was hoping it would happen, because I believed all his lies about how he would be there for me, and for each other. He is on the basketball team in our campus and every time I text him or ask him why he is not responding me, he says, “I was in practice, and I am tired”
Now, what should I do? I am so mad at myself. I feel like for the first time in my life, I let my guard down and a guy used me. I swear, I never slept a man unless he was my boyfriend. However, with this guy, I did sleep with him, but I thought it would work out. And now, I am here with so much guilt. Please help me get him back, or give me some healthy advice to get him out of my system.
Hey AB, I know you must be really bummed out. It is deceiving and disappointing in any situation when people say they will be there for you or make promises, and then they don’t come through. You made a mistake, and you can’t beat yourself up over it, as what is done is done. But luckily, you are young, and moving forward you can make better decisions about your actions. I would suggest forgetting about this guy as he seems to be a bit rude, telling you he is “too busy” for you without being man enough to explain that maybe he is just not ready for a relationship right now. I say move on and move forward. You are in college – there are plenty of other basketball-playing or scholarly hotties to choose from.
First you need to establish what you want. There is nothing wrong with a one night stand, if that is your motive. However, if you are interested in having a guy who is there for you and supportive and wants a stable relationship, he needs to see you as a person before you sleep with him.
I think you should focus on having friends right now. Get to know some cool guys and just keep it as friends until you know each other well. Then you can kind of see what is out there. If one guy sparks your interest, you can spend more time with him. Then, if you want a relationship, you need a commitment of monogamy before you sleep together.
If a guy is pushing you to sleep with him and you explain that you would like to get to know him better, and that upsets him, then move on — he is not the right guy.
Most importantly, trust your instinct about people and believe that the right guy is going to come along when the time is right.
Read on for Dr. Halperin’s take on the situation…