Dr. Halperin says:
Dear guilty, unfortunately this is a complicated situation. It is made more complicated by the truth with your husband. It is an unfortunate reality that is difficult at best to live with. You probably need to work out the details with your husband a little more clearly. The way you have it worked out now can only lead to misunderstanding and confusion.
As for the situation with your neighbor, that is much clearer.
Your behavior has ramifications that affect other people. The question here is not about what to keep secret but rather what behavior to do in the first place.
Just because your having sex with your neighbor may be acceptable to your husband, so far, it doesn’t make it right. Your neighbor still has a wife and family, and yours and his needs will have profound affects on them. It also has an affect on your relationship with your husband. If you have an affair with your neighbor you are making him a “co-conspirator” to it.
I think that after you clarify what exactly your “don’t ask, don’t tell situation” with your husband is you will be better off finding sexual partners without wives. There are enough single men around to oblige your need for sex. You don’t need to use one of your neighbors for that purpose.
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Libby Keatinge is Senior Editor: Love+Sex at BettyConfidential.
Dr. Morris Halperin is a licensed psychologist practicing in Los Angeles for over 30 years.