I Want a Celebrity Boyfriend!
If a screaming harpie like Naomi Campbell can snag a hot celeb bf, why can’t I?
Let’s get something straight, I am definitely not superficial. I generally fall for a mind and a stellar sense of humor before looks when it comes to guys. However, and yeah, this is a big however, when I saw the red carpet gowns during Mercedes-Benz New York Fashion Week, I kept thinking over and over again, “where is my celebrity boyfriend?!”
Sadly, in my real life I’ll never get to wear one of those sumptuous creations. If I’m lucky (read not lazy) I could wear a cocktail dress to any of the night time events I’m invited to, but still….
I started thinking having a celeb boyfriend might just be waaay better than having a regular boyfriend. I mean, if I had one, I could go to award shows, premieres and stuff like that wearing an amazing dress and wowza jewelry. You know, there are more perks to having a celebrity boyfriend than a regular one, besides wearing works of art and high heels.
Here’s my list on why a celeb would make a great partner:
1. They’re busy.
If they’re an actor, they’re on locations for months at a time. If they’re a rock star, they’re on the road for months at a time. This is excellent for me, as I hate the feeling of having someone stuck to me 24/7. They can run off and play “bang bang” in front of the cameras or sing on a bazillion different stages. They can go out, have fun and leave me alone. Oh, major bonus round would be the occasional weekend together. No, you don’t have leave a hotel room to get a meal. God invented room service exactly for this need.
2. They have a life.
Any successful actor or singer will have friends, interests of their own and probably a business or two they’re involved in. I don’t have to worry about being a “camp counselor” and organizing crap.
3. They know what’s going on in the world.
These days celebrities are involved in charitable or political causes. I wouldn’t have to try to explain the difference between a Log Cabin Republican and a regular one, or what a Tea Party or a pandemic is.
4. They’re in shape.
Sorry, this is a big one for me. Okay, I did mention that I’m not superficial when it comes to guys, but I draw the line at love handles that have their own zip code.
5. They know how to dress.
Oops, did I say I wasn’t superficial? I’m not, but I’m a STYLE EDITOR for heaven’s sake.
Here’s my list on why I’d be a great girlfriend for a celebrity:
1. I’m busy.
I love my job, I do. And there are times when I’m so focused on something a bomb could go off and I wouldn’t notice. Sometimes I do videos too. There are days when I work ‘till 1 am, and a celebrity boyfriend would totally get the dedication. Oh and I totally love the grabbing a spare moment between projects idea, wink, wink.
2. I have a life.
I’m self-sufficient and am not looking for someone to “complete me.” Last I checked, I wasn’t missing any parts. I have friends and while they’re mostly guys, they’re the best guys I’ve met in my life. My friendships with these men have lasted longer than some of my relationships. Um, yah, I can “speak guy.” I’m just terrified of heights. Sue me.
3. I’m loyal.
When I give my word, I mean it. If you need me to stand by your side through ugly stuff, I’m there.
4. I’m formidable.
I didn’t make that one up. Although I’m barely 5’ 3”, according to some of my friends, and my old Sifu, I’m formidable. No one ever, ever hurts my friends. So, a celeb boyfriend wouldn’t have to worry about a bodyguard. Hmm, this may not be a good thing, after all.
5. I’m mostly in shape.
My knees are shot. Sorry. Ice sucks.
6. I have a great sense of humor.
An ex once told me, “You’re the funniest woman I’ve ever met in my life.” This was AFTER we broke up.
7. I don’t get overwhelmed by “stuff”
Sadly, I grew up in one of the richest towns in the country. I’m not jaded, but I get it….
I thought about listing the celeb men who I thought were hot, but I didn’t want to inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings.
Okay, all you hot, smart celebrity men, your turn! If you want to chat up a good looking short blonde who doesn’t believe in linear time, likes quarks, action movies, hockey and laughter, go for it!
-PJ Gach is Senior Editor: Style + Beauty at BettyConfidential.