I’m Not Having an Orgasm During Sex
Dear Amber: I’m a 30-year-old woman and every time I make love to my partner I don’t feel like I’m having an orgasm. What can I do to feel more satisfied?
Amber: There are a few different things that might be going on here. If you can have an orgasm by yourself, and not with your partner, then either your partner is not stimulating you in the right way, or you are not comfortable enough to have an orgasm in front of your lover. Be sure to take the time to communicate what works for you and what doesn’t, what sort of motions feel good, and feel like they may lead you to an orgasm, and which ones are off base. Once your partner is pleasing you physically, you can just relax, and focus on enjoying the experience.
In order to be able to have an orgasm you have to feel comfortable with your partner and have a certain amount of trust in him. If there are problems in other aspects of your relationship, it would make sense that you can’t fully let go of yourself during sex. Take a hard and honest look at your relationship and think about any issues that may be unresolved.
If you cannot have an orgasm period, then that has less to do with your partner or your relationship and more to do with you. It’s SO important that you practice on your own. Play around with your own body so that you know what feels good to you. Look at your vagina in the mirror, find your clitoris, get a vibrator, and just get really well acquainted with your sex organs. Masturbation is natural and healthy, and one the most important things you can do for your sex life.
While you’re hunting for your orgasm (either by yourself or with a partner), remember not to get too goal oriented. Orgasms feel good. But so does sex. Don’t get so focused on having an orgasm that you forget that.