I’m Still In Love With My High School Sweetheart
Ask Your Friend…Ask Your Shrink: A mother is questioning her relationship and if a past love is her Mr. Right.
-Libby Keatinge and Dr. Morris Halperin
Dear Libby and Dr. Halperin,
I am struggling to make a choice. I am now in a serious relationship and have been for almost 4 years now. Him and I have a 1-year-old son together whom we love to death. Our relationship developed fast and it was very passionate at first. He is the most amazing, caring, loving, honest, and hard working person I’ve ever met. Quite the catch! Yet, there’s something that makes me wonder if I’m with the right man.
Back in high school I had my high school sweetheart. We had been together for almost 5 years(from my sophomore year in high school to my sophomore year in college). We were very private with our relationship and never really made public appearances together. We wanted our relationship to be only for us and no one else. Him and I ended in good terms and have remained in contact.
We’ve recently talked about how much we wish we could go back to the times when we were together and happy; he says he’d do anything to start a new beginning with me and would even care for my son as his own. I still have a close relationship with his family and they’d love to see us together again, but how do I know this will last? How do I know that this is the real thing and that this will truly make me happy? How do I handle having another man care for my son? I still have strong feelings towards my current boyfriend and father to our son. However, I feel that the love I have for him is the type of love I have for my best friend. I enjoy his company and love him dearly, but the comeback of my ex has been killing me on the inside. What should I do? Do I do what is best for my son and his father? Or should I take a chance and follow what I believe might be my happy ending?
-having trouble choosing what’s right in California
Dear California, I think the focus needs to be on your current relationship and how you really feel before you make any sudden moves. Think about your relationship if the high school sweetheart did not exist. Are you truly happy? Would you want to be with this man?
When someone is thinking of someone else, they are not truly complete and happy in their relationship. If you decide that you are not truly happy, then you have the question of dating the high school sweetheart. What will the living arrangements be? What if it doesn’t work out? Think about the effect it could have on your son.
There is a chance that you could rekindle your romance with your high school sweetheart, but then it will not pan out the way you planned. Will you be devastated? Will you be ok on your own?
I think you need to consider all the ways that this could pan out and consider all the options and if you would be comfortable with a variety of endings. If you are sure that the relationship you are in is not your dream relationship, and you are merely “friends” then you should chase your dream. However, all relationships eventually fade to less heat and passion then the first few months, so then you need to ask yourself, would you want to be with your high school sweetheart if the hot and heavy feelings burn out? What if you end up alone? Is that ok too?
Have a serious conversation with yourself and answer all these questions before you decide to do anything. And, of course, consider what is best for the health and happiness of your son.