Is Bradley Cooper the New John Mayer?
5 Reasons we think he just might be
-April Daniels Hussar
Oh Bradley Cooper, with your baby blues and your rakishly handsome, perfectly floppy hair … you’re one tall drink of water. Fo’ sho’. How we loved to pretend to hate you in He’s Just Not That Into You (as we all secretly identified with Scarlett Johansson‘s seductive vixen) … and how we loved to laugh at your devil-may-care antics in The Hangover. Yeah, you’re hot. And yeah, we know you know we know it.
But … now we’re a-wonderin’. Have you come along to take the Hollywood Cad crown from the oversized Cupie-doll head of John Mayer? Are you nothing more than a player in … er, player’s clothing? We hope not – we’d love to think you’re one of those seemingly bad boys with a heart of gold, despite the tell-tale signs that point otherwise (the perfect scruff, the just-so button down shirts, the tendency to play total jerks on screen) … but John Mayer can’t keep his crown forever. As he descends further and further in to his Twitter-hole and goes from heartthrob to social media laughingstock, someone’s going to have to take his seat on the love-rat throne.
Here are 5 reasons we fear Bradley Cooper just might be the new John Mayer:
1. They have the same taste in women.
Yes, we know the Hollywood gene pool is limited (heaven forbid these guys date a mere mortal), but still … both John and Bradley dated Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz. If Bradley appears with a mysterious black eye from Tony Romo, then we’ll know for sure.
2. Can you say “commitment phobic”?
With the occasional exception (see Jen and John, parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 … as well as Jessica and John, parts 1 – 38) it’s one or two dates and then … move on. In the space of a few weeks Bradley has been linked to Jennifer Aniston (poster girl of failed relationships), Renee Zellweger (back-up poster girl of failed relationships) and Lake Bell (poster girl), and who can keep up with John Mayer? (Actually, who wants to?) Bradley was married to actress Jennifer Esposito for just 4 months – short even by Hollywood standards – and, suffice it to say, John can’t seem to settle down either.
3. They love women.
Bradley told Redbook that the best thing about women is:
“They’re a source of energy in life. I’ve always wanted to be in a war or baseball movie, but the thought of having no women on set for six months – that’s hell. I don’t know if it’s animalistic or what, but men become like peacocks with their feathers up when women are around.”
John blathered at a concert:
“OK since almost all of the songs I’ve played so far have been about love you’re probably wondering what is wrong with me. For the most part I need a girlfriend or something. I cry when I see couples, and I’m not sure if any of you have seen this commercial but there is that one Coke commercial where the guy is talking and he is like ‘When I first met her she had the most gorgeous panties I had ever seen, but now, when I look in the hamper, her panties look like my mothers’. That is the grossest thing ever but I started crying cause I want that.”
4. They share the nasty habit of talking about the women they date.
John, of course, wrote “Your Body is a Wonderland” about Jennifer Love Hewitt. (No, it’s not about you. We know, we like to pretend that too.)
John blogged about a certain someone widely believed to be Jessica Simpson:
“Dear Ex Lover, Perhaps you didn’t understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I’ll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore. I don’t know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I’m done trying. I hope this is enough closure for you.”
Bradley, on the other hand, refers to every woman he dates as “just friends.”
On Jennifer Aniston:
“She’s a friend of mine. Simply, simply, just a friend.”
In case the point wasn’t simple enough for us to grasp, he clarified: “She’s someone who is super, super known. Famous. If someone says ‘hello’ to her, it’s given that he’s fallen in love with her. So, no. No. She’s a very, very interesting woman, but she’s simply a friend.
On Cameron Diaz:
“I think she’s great,” Cooper told PEOPLE at the Nip/Tuck season 5 premiere in Hollywood. “We’re good friends.”
5. They have a way with the ladies.
Seriously, who can resist someone who writes songs about you? And have you gazed into Bradley’s baby blues? (Well, ok – have you imagined it?) Not to mention he speaks fluent French. We know. Not fair.
So – what do you think? Do we have another John Mayer on our hands? Please, Bradley Cooper, prove us wrong. However, if you take to confessing your innermost soul’s aspirations on Twitter, then we’ll know you’re done for.