Is He "the One"?

How do you know if the man you're with is the one?


Is He “the One”?

Real women confess how they knew

-Carrie Seim

a woman and her boyfriendSome decisions in life are simple. Should I buy that dress now that it’s 75 percent off? Yep! Should I order the chocolate mousse? Of course! Should I TiVo Big Love and 30 Rock? Yes and yes!

But when it comes to picking a partner for sickness and health, for giddy highs and uncurably low lows – how do you know if you’ve chosen wisely?

After watching this clip from NonSociety of Barry Schwartz discussing his book, The Paradox of Choice, I’m even more unnerved. As Schwartz puts it, in his eerily familiar explanation:

“Paralysis is a consequence of having too many choices. You really want to get the choice right if it’s for all eternity. You don’t want to pick even the wrong salad dressing … The more options there [are], the easier it is to regret anything at all that is disappointing about the option you chose.”

That may sounds like sacrilege in our have-it-your-way society, but I believe Schwartz’s book should be required reading for every tween girl in America.

In an effort to console myself, I began asking real women how they knew they’d found the one – and were ready to take a leap of faith off the dating dump truck. Unsurprisingly, they all had the same answer for me: When he’s the one, you simply know.

This gave me some comfort, but I wanted details, facts and data. So each woman shared with me the moment she knew she had finally found the one.

The Smell of Love

When I first met my husband, he was actually dating my roommate. But the second I saw him, I felt a spark run through my body and a very clear thought ran through my head: I have just met the man I’m going to marry. Now, how am I going to get him?

My roommate had to work, and I needed to get some things from Wal-Mart, so he came with me on the errand. I mentioned I needed deodorant, and I vividly remember him smelling each kind in order to find me the one that smelled the best. For some reason that gesture really moved me.

As things turned out, he ended up breaking up with my roommate, we kept in touch, and two years later we got married. All because my armpits stunk! – Heidi, Milwaukee, WI

Beam Me Up

All I can tell you is that the minute I locked eyes with him from across the room, it felt like there were laser beams connecting us. – Erin, Omaha, NE

Calm in the Storm

I’m an intuitive person, and I knew very early on that Scott was the type of person I wanted to spend my life with. Our first encounter was not overly romantic, however! I was a residence hall director at a big university. As I was leaving the building one day, I noticed that Scott, the dining hall manager, had propped an exterior door open. I gently reminded him about safety/security and keeping doors shut and locked. He likes to say that I ‘yelled’ at him when we first met.

We went on our first date a few weeks later. I found it so easy to talk and just be with him. There wasn’t a lot of drama or questioning; things just unfolded effortlessly. I can’t recall that there was a specific moment where I knew he was the one – rather, it was a collection of small, everyday moments. Phone calls to check if I made it home, long phone conversations, a road trip to visit his alma mater, meeting family members, and of course some chemistry. Also, once he sent me an email that simply said “you calm me.” The feeling was mutual. We found peace and calm in each other. – Erin, Minneapolis, MN

Stop in the Name of Love

I met my husband in college. We totally hit it off and he even invited me to see a musical. I was like, He likes musicals and he isn’t gay? I’m in trouble now. But the moment I really knew, we were in the car together, stopped at a stop sign. I looked over at him and had this thought, Does it get better than this? I just knew. – Monica, Papillion, NE

The Ultimate Aphrodisiac: Pizza and Beer

I met the guy who would become my husband in a bar in college and my first thoughts of him were, He’s cute, he’s got awesome blue eyes, he’s tall, cute butt, and he bought me a beer and shared pizza! That’s a huge deal in college, when no one had money! I think I knew Scott was “it” for me six months into it, but still marvel I took a risk on the rest of my life at the age of only 20. How can someone know you want to spend the rest of your life with some guy at such a young age, when you have really no life experience behind you? We knew each other a year and a half when he asked me to marry him. What the heck did we know? Fortunately, almost 16 years of marriage, and we’re not sick of one another, and we have three beautiful kids – I consider us one of the lucky couples. – Stephanie Elliot, parenting editor at

How did YOU know you’d met your soul mate?

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0 thoughts on “Is He "the One"?

  1. I have known two men in my life that I just knew were soul mates and threw them both back. I knew because when we looked into one anothers eyes the rest of the world faded away. The problem with one was that he had no ambition and growing up in an abusive and poverty stricken household I had a great deal of ambition. With the second I was pregnant and walked away anyway because I was to afraid of what that meant. I had seen fierce love and it didn’t look so great. I am now with someone else. It has been more than ten years since I left him with out leaving an address or anything, and I still think what if? The man that I am with now is a good man. Great Dad. And I do love him. I tell him anything and he listens. He would do anything for me. Yet, never once have I looked in his eyes and the rest of the world fell away. I’ve prayed that it would but it never has. So, if I had it to do over I would never need to ask myself what if?

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