J Lo and Marc Justify Their Love?
Couples with something to prove
There was very little for a single woman to love in Helen Fielding’s breakout bestseller, Bridget Jones’s Diary, but one thing she did get dead on was the concept of the “smug marrieds.” Any woman who’s spent anytime at all in the dating pool has had to deal with these types. The women who, upon finding out you’re unattached, immediately latch onto their hubbies with the death grip lest her inevitably unappetizing “prize” be tempted away by your wanton single lady wiles.
Once she’s finally anchored hubby to his chair, this type will lean in with the pity face. Through a forced frown, she’ll tell you how deeply sorry she is that you don’t have a fanfreakingtastic love like she does. And how she’s certain that somebody somewhere will snatch you up in no time flat. The best part of this scenario being that just as she’s getting to the part about how desperately happy she and her allegedly besotted are together, she’ll catch him trying to glimpse down your shirt and storm them both off in a huff. Sometimes a push-up bra is totally worth the underwire marks.
This is a long-winded way of saying that couples who are constantly having to show the world how incredibly, unbelievably, miraculously, happy they are . . . well, they often aren’t. I’m speaking, of course, about Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. Ever since the breakup rumors started spreading, they’ve been engaging in non-stop PDAs. It’s like they’ve embarked upon a World Makeout Tour. Next stop Second Base.
They made kissy face on the red carpet at the Golden Globes …
Sung a little duet at an Inauguration Ball …
What’s next? A little dry humping during halftime at the Super Bowl?
Remember how Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie couldn’t STFU about how wildly, madly, passionately in love they were? They couldn’t even keep it in their pants for one brief limo ride.
That didn’t work out so well, did it? (Okay, it worked out pretty well for Angelina, but in an entirely different way.) And who could forget Britney and K-Fed‘s heartwarming televised documentation of their great love? Or the Hogans? Or, for that matter, Jessica Simpson and Nick What’s-His-Face?
I think Ozzy and Sharon are one of the few couples who’ve made it through a media examination intact.
So J-Lo and Skeletor, I’m going to give you some unsolicited advice: Nobody cares if you stay married or get divorced – besides your lawyers. But if you want to keep your marriage intact, keep it out of the public eye. And for goodness sake, if you have sex in your limo, don’t tell us about it.