Mean Betty: Angelina Jolie Broke Up More Than One Marriage!
Why does that not surprise us?
Hello, my pets! As Mean Betty is sure you know, that zany little actress Angelina Jolie will be opening later this week in an “action drama” called Salt. From her observations of the “entertainment industry,” Mean Betty knows that an “action drama” means “heart-pounding” car chases, fiery explosions and hand-to-hand armed combat that the main character survives without a hair or lash out of place. The lesson from this is clear, my darlings: maximum-hold styling spray and waterproof mascara are so important.
And just as this cinematic landmark is about to be released comes a biography by British tabloid hack reporter Andrew Morton. In the book, wittily titled Angelina: An Unauthorized Biography, Morton tells us that Ms. Jolie, who allegedly suffers from anorexia, broke up another marriage beside Brad Pitt’s. Yes, it’s true! Would you expect a woman who once wore a vial of her boyfriend’s blood to break up just one marriage?
Morton claims that Angelina’s 2003 affair with Ethan Hawke ended his marriage to well-known space cadet the uniquely idiosyncratic Uma Thurman. Ethan and Angelina hooked up on the set of Taking Lives, a “psychological thriller.” This, poppets, is a type of movie that has practically as many explosions and car chases as an “action drama,” except people talk more and are usually insane. What a perfect background for our happy couple!