Mean Betty: Is The Situation Losing His Star Power?

Oh no! A book deal gone bad and more! Will the most famous abs in America be able to recover?

Mean Betty: Is The Situation Losing His Star Power?

Oh no! A book deal gone bad and more! Will the most famous abs in America be able to recover?

-Mean Betty

Mike The Situation Sorrentino

Kittens, Mean Betty used to love cuddling up to a chilled martini (vodka of course) and watching the epitome of grace and etiquette, otherwise known as Jersey Shore, on her immense flat screen TV (the better to catch all the action!). The Situation, AKA Mike Sorrentino, in particular, really stood out to Mean Betty. His gentle wooings of the fairer sex, like his branded method of “creeping”, truly made her heart beat fast! After all, kittens, doesn’t one want to be physically accosted, stalked and hunted down like prey in a public place? Mean Betty gets all shivery inside when she thinks what it would be like to have The Situation telling her they’re going to get all smooshy or else! Date Rape is such a modern courting ritual!

Anyway, Mean Betty ought to stop digressing over the wonder boy of GTL and take a deep sigh of sympathy over the poor child’s plight. Once the king of all things orange is quickly becoming as sexy as an empty beer can! Mean Betty has been sobbing into her martini since hearing the bubble-butted one’s income, once touted to be higher than veteran actor Matt Damon’s (he also of the magnificent rear-view) may be deflating as quickly as a starlet’s heaving cleavage once she takes off her Miracle Bra.

Read How’d You Like to Buy Ashton Kutcher’s Alleged Morning-After Sweater?

You see kittens, The Situation’s tome of wisdom, Here’s the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore tanked! Life & Style reports that the book only sold 4,000 copies and truckloads are being returned to the publisher.

And now the latest blow! Oh kittens, this news was so horrifying to Mean Betty that she had to sit down when she heard it and had her butler make not one, but three double martinis so she could take in the news! Kittens, brace yourselves! The Plaza Hotel in New York City, the veritable landmark of taste, decorum and etiquette has, yes, they really have, rejected the multi-ab’d one! The floozies at the Plaza courted and wooed, nay, they creeped on The Situation, they plied him with compliments, they begged on bended knee to please be their spokes-muscle for their new posh gym.

Now, the executives at the gym have donned their running shoes and are jogging away from The Situation as fast as their tiny feet can take them! Why?? Kittens, it’s just soo absurd. They sat down, thought about it and decided that The Situation, the man who made orange a new skin tone, was just too….too, brace yourself kittens, tooo tacky and “down market” for the glorious Plaza! According PopEater, executives don’t “think the reality TV star is right for its patrons.”

Oh no! Mean Betty weeps for the poor lad! Will he now be forced to shill for some tanning salon in New Jersey like an real unnamed housewife to pay for his tanning sessions? Will we no longer see him touting other products that he doesn’t use? Oh kittens! Oh kittens! Will The Situation actually have to get a job and work? Whatever will happen to his gym time? Those poor abs!

Mean Betty weeps.


Mean Betty

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