Mean Betty on Angelina Jolie’s Right Leg’s Quest for World Domination
Mean Betty takes a closer look at Angelina Jolie’s rogue leg’s behavior at the Oscars—and finds some frightening possibilities for what it might mean.
Did you watch the Oscars, kittens? Meanie did, of course, though less for the actual awards than for the ridiculous things that stars tend to do when gathered together in large groups. Such things go wonderfully with a martini; wouldn’t you agree?
Case in point: Angelina Jolie. Or, perhaps more accurately, Angelina Jolie’s right leg. Angie’s right leg, you see, seems to have developed a mind of its own. In fact, it may even be exerting control over Angie’s actual brain (that is, the one in her head), because though darling Angelina has long been known for her penchant for dresses with slits, the one that she wore to the Awards on Sunday… was really something special. It was cut so high that Meanie can’t help but think that perhaps her right leg overruled her brain, thus making this clothing choice the first move in its bid for full-body domination.
The question, of course, is ultimately why Angie’s right leg is so intent on taking over the whole of her person. But kittens, Meanie has been cudgeling her own brains, and after much long and difficult work, she believes that she has determined the leg’s end goal. Where else is there to go once a humble leg has taken over Angelina Jolie? Easy: THE WORLD.
That’s right. Meanie is convinced that Angelina’s right leg is hell bent on world domination. Angie has already proven herself to be extraordinarily influential in more than one arena, all of which would be endlessly useful to a rogue limb with an agenda of its own. As an actress, Angelina can be found beaming her way into homes everywhere via the television. As a style icon, she dictates the way her disciples dress. As an activist, she extends her wide reach to noblest of causes. The leg has even infiltrated the Twittersphere, singing its gospel to smartphones everywhere via @AngiesRightLeg. What more could a power-hungry leg need to help it accomplish its sinister goals?
What Meanie has yet to figure out, however, is the motivation behind Angie’s Right Leg’s quest for world domination. Does it wish to give everyone in the world Angelina’s perfectly plump lips? Does it want to make her, along with the rest of the planet, eat a sandwich? Is it trying to get every small child ever adopted? Or does it simply desire to inundate the world with images like this one?:
Terrifying, isn’t it, kittens?
Although on second thought, the sandwich goal and the adoption effort might not be such terrible motivations after all. Maybe the leg is attempting to use its almighty powers for good, rather than evil. At this moment in time, only the leg itself knows what might be lurking behind its well-toned exterior; we can only hope that it has something nobler in mind than a simple bid for power. A world run by a single extremity would be a frightening one indeed.
Then again, maybe the leg is entirely innocent. It might just have been Angelina’s wacky choice of pose casting it in a questionable light. Where on earth did she get that from, anyway? Perhaps she could benefit from some lessons in deportment from Meanie’s beloved butler. He does SO love to teach!