Mean Betty on Miley Cyrus’ Lack of Internet Security
Mean Betty gives Miley Cyrus a lesson in Internet security.
A question for you, kittens: How good is your Internet security? Are you passwords longer than the minimum recommended length? Are they a random collection of letters and numbers? Do you use a different password for each username you have? And perhaps most importantly, how likely is it that a random stranger would be able to guess your security prompt?
In all likelihood, your Internet security isn’t as strong as it could be. But Meanie doesn’t blame you, kittens; after all, she has just as much trouble as you do remembering random strings of letters and numbers! But Meanie, at least, isn’t famous—well, not as famous as, say, Miley Cyrus. Meanie isn’t a teen pop sensation, and she is perfectly fine with that (as the butler can attest, Meanie has very little patience for the teenybopper set. They’re just so… bright. Ugh!). But dear Miley, you see, lives quite a public life, so naturally, you would think that she would want to lock down her personal communications as much as possible, correct?
Well, you would be wrong. Because kittens, guess what? A man has gotten in touch with the gossip mongers of TMZ and explained just how laughable easy it was for him to hack into Miley’s email. Witness the master hacker at work: After acquiring Miley’s Gmail username, he simply inputted it and attempted to access it. The security question brought forth by the great machine prompted the anonymous man to input the name of one of Miley’s best friend. The man conducted a simple Google search and easily discovered the name of the friend Miley has known the longest. All that remained was to enter that name into the question field—and voila! Instant access to Miley Cyrus’ inner sanctum! It was really that easy. Quoth the hacker, “When I saw that, I couldn’t believe it.”
Miley, darling, you would do well to learn from Scarlett Johansson’s ordeal: No matter how good your Internet security is, there is almost certainly at least one person out there in the big, bad world that is capable of hacking your most intimate of messages, especially if you are such a noticeable public figure. Why would you want to make it any easier for him? Or her? Or most likely, them? Because Meanie is fairly certain that the lovely Scarlett had better security than you, Miley, and the Hackerazzi still managed to ensnare her—along with countless others.
Of course, TMZ speculated that the mysterious hacker who contacted them regarding Miley’s questionable lack of security might even be Christopher Chaney—that is, Scarlett’s hacker—himself using a different email; but Meanie certainly hopes that it isn’t. While we’re on the subject of Internet security, that would be just about the silliest thing he could do right now, wouldn’t it, kittens? Though there would be no denying the inherent amusement should it 1) actually prove to be Mr. Chaney, and 2) cause him to get caught again. How deliciously ironic!
In the meantime, though, Meanie recommends that you look into tightening your security, kittens. The butler tells Meanie that he would be more than happy to help out—though where the butler has acquired these skills, it’s probably best not to ask.