Mean Betty On Snooki’s Immortality
The poofed one has written a book!
Kittens! This is so exciting! Snooki has actually used her brain (we never knew she had one!) and penned a literary masterpiece!
Yes, the pursed-lips one (you know that face she makes kittens, the one where she looks like she’s constipated?) actually wrote a novel. They do say you should write about what you know, so Snooki wrote about sand, surf, smooshing and booze. This weighty tome is entitled A Shore Thing. Oh kittens, word play! Isn’t Snooki delightful! Who knew she could make a pun?
Of course, when Mean Betty says “write,” Mean Betty means our dear Oompa Loompa had a collaborator to actually write the book. What with Snooki’s TV commercials, public appearances, hunting for “Juiceheads,” and the like, one would be hard-pressed to think that Snooki could find the time to sit down and, you know, type. After all, if Snooki placed her digits on a laptop, the horror of horrors could occur … she could break a nail. Oh kittens, we can hear the wailing now!
But Mean Betty digresses! Mean Betty was so excited to read the excerpts that Mean Betty left my fortifying martini (so full of vitamins and minerals) in another room. Big mistake. Mean Betty feels being inebriated is the pnly way to truly enjoy this tome. One truly wonders kittens, if Snooki’s “collaborator,” a writer by the name of Valerie Frankel, had to be sloshed to the gills so that she could make sense of Snooki’s verbal meanderings. Sloshed or not, we truly hope that Ms. Frankel was amply paid for the hard labor she had to endure.
Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.
Doesn’t that give you wings of hope for the youth of today? Such poetry, such imagery … oh kittens, we wonder if Snooks will become the Shakespeare of our day! We do wonder if this book will sell as poorly as The Situation’s tome (thousands of copies of the book were returned to the publisher). Hmmm, do you think they were remade into Snooki’s book? Miss Snooki’s compatriot in arms, Miss JWoww, is also busily scribbling a book too!
Could it be possible that one day we will walk into a bookstore to find a boxed set of all the Jersey Shore’s authors? Kittens, that thought just gives us chills and goosebumps! We could use it as an emergency tool. In case of blackout, burn the books and voila! Warmth and light!