Mean Betty on Taylor Swift and Dane “The Idiot” Cook
What’s the matter, Dane? Jealous of Taylor’s success?
Hello, darlings! Did you happen to see The Tonight Show last night? No? Well, kittens, count yourselves lucky—because you missed Taylor Swift being treated obnoxiously by yet another woman-hating loudmouth.
Mean Betty is referring, of course, to the “comedian” Dane Cook, who was once wisely (and in his native Boston!) voted the Worst.Comedian.Ever. Mr. Cook, sitting next to Taylor on the guest sofa, told her he was a fan. Taylor (who is, after all, only twenty years old, kittens) was naïve enough to respond graciously.
And that was the cue for Daney-boy to rip off his shirt and show a temporary tattoo of Taylor’s face. Right between his extremely ugly nipples. And then he swung into a bizarrely unmelodic “song” (as if Daney could come up with anything else).
And where was Jay “King of the Night” Leno? Sitting there, grinning idiotically. Might he have tried to cut it short? Yes, darlings, he might have, except his cojones seem to have the consistency of Play Doh. Why offend anyone, Jay? Especially, you know, a guy? It’s unthinkable!
At least Kanye West kept his shirt on and got hustled offstage fast.
Is it just barely possible, darlings, that a “man” like Cookie the Comic might be a little jealous of Taylor, who’s sold 13 million albums worldwide and earned $45 million in 2010? And she’s only 20. Somehow, Mean Betty thinks that when Cookie was 20, he spent most of his days asking customers if they’d like to biggie-size their combo.
And yes, Cookie, Mean Betty knows that you’ve had a couple of CDs that did well (Harmful if Swallowed! Retaliation! So charming!). But a few years have passed since then, sweetheart. It’s old news. What have you done lately?
Taylor, Mean Betty and her kittens love you. Don’t let the haters get you down. As for Cookie the Comic, why don’t you come up with some really sophisticated material for your next appearance – like, say, putting a lampshade on your head? Brilliant!!