Mean Betty on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Skipping the Oscars
Who’s afraid of the big, bad… Anne Hathaway?
It’s not even February yet, and Tom Cruise and Katie “I-love-him-because-it’s-written-in-my-contract” Holmes are already planning to skip the Oscars. Mean Betty hears the sensitive twosome are just too hurt by host Anne Hathaway to attend this year’s awards.
Darlings, cue the violins.
As you all know, dear pets, Tom and Katie are the butt of many a Hollywood joke – they solidified that position after their many shameful couch-jumping, Scientology-loving, and “Our four-year-old wears heels” moments. It’s just too fun for Mean Betty and the rest of the world to poke fun at them, but apparently, Anne Hathaway really hit a nerve.
When Ms. Hathaway did a hilariously accurate impression of Katie on Saturday Night Live earlier this year, Mean Betty keeled over in laughter. The shy voice, the hair tuck behind the ear, the awkward, crooked smile—basically everything that makes Katie Holmes a weirdo, and thus a perfect fit for Tom—Anne captured perfectly. It was a pure masterpiece in Mean Betty’s eyes. One for the Mean record books.
But the skit left Tom’s little boy tighty-whiteys in a major bunch, as a source close to the actor says, “The whole thing has left a sour taste with Tom.” Kate also feels “let down,” adds the source, since Anne and Kate were supposed to be friends and Anne didn’t even warn her about the skit before it aired. How tragic.
Mean Betty weeps for their ruined friendship. After all, celebrities are never looking out for number one, right kittens? Friendship before fame is their motto.
So now, the Cruise couple is stomping their feet and sucking on Suri’s pacifier as they cry, “I don’t wanna go to the Oscars! Anne is too mean!”
Now now, Tom and Katie, there’s no reason for you to go anyway. It’s not like you’ve had a good movie in the past five years, right? So get out of Suri’s high chair, wipe those tears away, and plan another boring date night for February 27. Anne and the rest of Hollywood can go have their mature fun without you.