Mean Betty: Who is the Mystery Buyer of Kim Kardashian’s Sex Tape?
Who is the mystery buyer seeking to acquire Kim Kardashian’s scandalous sex tape? Meanie must know!
Good morning, kittens! Meanie would like to start the day by asking you a question: What would you do if a tape of your lovely self performing indelicate acts with another person suddenly surfaced in that most public of places, the ever-useful internet? Would you: A) Attempt to build a career out of it? B) Try your hardest to get it off the market? Or C) Build a career of it, and THEN try your hardest to get it off the market? It certainly is a conundrum, isn’t it?
Meanie is especially interested in your thoughts on the matter, kittens, because of the ongoing to-do involving the sex tape of one Kim “Mrs. Humphries” Kardashian. Someone, you see, is attempting to buy the rights from Vivid Entertainment to the scandalous reel that first introduced Miss Kim to the world. But who, exactly, is this mysterious Someone? The logical assumption would be Kim herself. After all, she is now the mistress of an empire far greater than that inspired by a lowly sex tape, and as an plus for the theory, she can almost certainly afford the $30 million Vivid is asking.
But Vivid’s head honcho, Steve Hirsch, said yesterday that a representative for the Someone has informed him that Kim is NOT the Someone. Nor is the Someone one of the next most logical people: Hubby Kris Humphries or another member of Kim’s extensive family unit. The plot thickens!
So, then, kittens, if we must accept that the Humpdashian clan is out of the proverbial picture, Meanie has another question for you: Who exactly IS the Someone? And moreover, why is he or she (or they!) so interested in acquiring this squalid piece of pop culture? Meanie has a few ideas:
1) An extremely devoted Kim fan who wishes to polish off her tarnished name and remove from the public eye this record of her most questionable moment.
2) An extremely creepy Kim fan who wishes to use the tape for his own questionable moments and who doesn’t want anyone else to have access to it.
3) An avid collector of celebrity sex tapes. He or she does not collect it to watch it; he or she merely collects it the one might collect stamps, or coins, or Dolly Parton memorabilia. (This was the butler’s suggestion. He says that everyone needs a hobby.)
4) The butler. (Meanie thinks it likely that when the butler mentioned that everyone needs a hobby, he was referring to this one as his own.)
But Meanie just doesn’t know, kittens. Each suggestion seems more bizarre than the last (although Meanie still has a sneaking suspicion about the butler). The Someone has put forth that if the sale is successful, he or she or they will reveal the reason behind the acquisition. Meanie notes, though, that the Someone has said nothing about revealing his or her or their identity. What if we never find out who the Someone is? Horrors! Meanie will never be able to sleep for the curiosity!
Oh well. Meanie supposes she will have to content herself with her wild speculation. One does need ways to entertain oneself over one’s breakfast mimosas, after all.