‘My Work Wife’
I have a 9 -5 spouse. Who knew?
-Colin Sokolowski, accidentaladult.com
To most people who know me, I think it’s fairly evident. I love my wife Kelly. A lot. She’s beautiful, funny, smart, talented and she has impeccable taste in life partners. Like all marriages, mistakes are made from time to time. But I always forgive her and move on.
Now that my re-declarations of devotion are out of the way, I also need to confess something else. And it’s precisely because of the security and trust I feel in my marriage that I can say this.
Turns out, I have a work wife.
Her name is Bridget. But to protect her anonymity, let’s call her Holly. Even though Holly is about a decade younger than me, our demographics have a lot in common – we’re both happily married to supportive spouses, we have young kids and we’re living in St. Paul/Minneapolis suburbs.
So what makes her my work wife? First, let’s define our terms. A work wife, or work husband for that matter, is someone who provides a completely harmless, entirely platonic relationship that helps keep you sane 40+ hours a week, while also providing for your many workplace needs. In my case, these needs typically include:
• CHEEZ-ITs at 10 a.m.
• Gum at 10:30 a.m.
• Help manipulating Excel spreadsheets and interpreting reports. (Math sucks.)
• Wardrobe advice. (Are my white ankle-high socks geeky, or should I just go sockless for the rest of the day?)
• Commiseration and cheap therapy when work gets ugly.
• Postage stamps.
• Change for the Coke machine.
Yes, Holly fulfills all of these needs for me. And she does it without attaching those messy, ridiculous demands often placed on traditional marriages. Pressures like remembering to leave your spouse with a full tank of gas or properly soaking and scraping your chili-caked bowl in the sink before throwing it into the dishwasher.