New Year's Resolutions? Really?

BettyConfidential's Cyber Main Gay on feeling like a NYE loser and the lifesaving power of ... SPANX.
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New Year’s Resolutions? Really?

BettyConfidential’s Cyber Main Gay on feeling like a NYE loser and the lifesaving power of … SPANX.

-Harvey Helms

Harvey Helms

Every year I come to this thought as the year draws to a close: “Do I need to make New Year’s resolutions?” Every magazine I read is telling me I need to. If I was one of those brainiac historians, I would tell you who started this tradition and why it came about. Since I’m not, I just like to pretend that some heinous person who wanted us to suffer because we were not skinny enough, pretty enough, successful enough, smart enough or even loved enough decided that this needed to be blatantly pointed out to us at the end of the holiday season.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m all about self improvement and helping others, especially women, reach any personal goals or desires. Especially losing weight and quitting smoking for your health! We have to be prepared though because this comes up at every holiday party. I don’t know about you but this always happens to me. Someone innocently asks, “Have you made your New Year’s resolutions yet?”

Without fail, the woman standing beside me will say, “Oh yes!  I’m going to lose 100 pounds, start my novel, and in my spare time I’m going to save all the starving children in the world.”

Then they ask, “What about you Harvey?”  

After some silence, I say, “I’m thinking about going blond this year. What do you think?”

So I always feel like a total New Year’s loser.

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I guess my real problem is that I don’t like being told what to do. Plus, every time I’ve made resolutions in the past, I couldn’t keep them. I’m not saying that during the rest of the year that I can’t succeed at my personal goals, whatever they be. I have quit smoking. Lost weight at least a million times. I’ve found the love of my life on several occasions, although I couldn’t keep him. I guess it’s just the peer pressure. It’s like I’m back in high school and trying to keep up with the cool kids. Why is it that everything seemed so easy for them? I guess I was more like Sarah Jessica Parker in the teen TV drama Square Pegs. (Luckily, now that I have a book coming out, I’ve turned more into Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.)

What to do? We are in the middle of party season! I need a strategy! As it happened, as it has at least a million other times in my life, I came up with a great idea while shopping at Neiman Marcus (NMGA). Neiman’s is always so magical, don’t you think? While I was looking at resort wear for men, I came across a display that stopped me in my tracks. I couldn’t believe it. Was I seeing things? No. There it was! SPANX for men. Wow!


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0 thoughts on “New Year's Resolutions? Really?

  1. Fashionista says:

    Too funny! You’re hilarious Harvey!

  2. Harvey Helms says:

    SPANX are a life saver and have gotten me through some times when I’ve overindulged in one way or another! I remember going to Rodin by Moonlight in Palo Alto and having a conversation with women who looked like models. When they found out I *wasn’t” wearing SPANX, they said, “What?!?! We all wear SPANX. We wouldn’t go out without them!” I guess they are for everyone, not only those of us who can’t overindulge without letting the world know!

  3. ugogirl says:

    love it! i think new year’s resolutions were started to make us regret all we didn’t do this year! i’m with you, don’t make’m and have no regrets!!! :-)

  4. Meeshelle says:

    During the Lenten Season, I choose to “DO” something positive each day, rather than be punished by “giving something up.” For New Year’s I reflect on what I have accomplished in the prior year, give myself a hug, and know that the coming year will have new “atta girls” to look back on.

    Love you Harvey . . . oh, where can I pick up the guy in the skivvies?? Just to look. Well, maybe to touch!

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