How Octomom's 'Mistake' Comment Could Affect Her Kids

Octomom Nadya Suleman admits that having children was a big mistake
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Parenting News

How Octomom’s ‘Mistake’ Comment Could Affect Her Kids

What parenting experts say about how stinging words can damage children

-Julie Ryan Evans

OctomomSo Octomom finally acknowledged what everyone else has realized since she creeped into our lives with the birth of her brood and her bizarre ways in January.

“I think it was a mistake” to have eight children, she told US Weekly.

A mistake? Wow. Though we can all think it, write it, say it, seethe about it, to put it out there, in a media interview? About your own children? That seems like a pretty big mistake as well.

What are they going to think when they read someday – or have their friends read to them – that their mom considers them to be a mistake? Brothers and sisters have taunted each other for ages about their status as a mistake, but to have the proof, right there in writing. Wow. She went on to say that she never would have fathomed having octuplets if she knew it would be this difficult to raise them.

Not that Nadya has shown good judgment in … well, almost anything she has done, but this might be among the saddest steps she’s made. It’s not that we don’t agree with her and don’t think anyone, even her, doesn’t deserve some amount of sympathy trying to raise 14 children. But to publicly say that if you had the choice you wouldn’t choose your children? That’s just pretty awful, even for her.

Maybe she spoke in haste; maybe she wishes she could take it back. Most parents have all said something to their children that they wish they hadn’t. But most of us don’t go that far.

What are the repercussions of such stinging words?

“There really is no easy way to get over having your mom say that she wished you’d never been born,” says Dr. Jeanne Cummings of the Carolina Mountain Psychiatry in Asheville, NC. “Even if she later or at other times tells you that she didn’t really mean that, a part of you is always going to wonder and worry.”

Dr. Cummings said most children get over occasional slips that parents make, especially if the if the parent later apologizes and expresses a resolve not to do it again.

“But remarks indicating that the parent would have preferred NOT to have the child are very hard to “make up for,” she adds. “All children wonder and worry about being abandoned or unloved. These kinds of remarks play into those fears in a very fundamental way.”

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16 thoughts on “How Octomom's 'Mistake' Comment Could Affect Her Kids

  1. That’s terrible, I hope her kids never hear that. Although you can imagine some reporter going up to them at age 5 like your mommy never wanted you, what will you do now?

  2. I’m not a fan of Octomom, but seriously — I think this comment is being blown out of proportion. she said it was a mistake to have 8 children at one time because it is hard; she did not say that she wishes they were never born and that she doesn’t love them. But anyway, she is a mess of a person, but just because she gets carried away doesn’t mean the rest of us have to.

  3. You know…I don’t like octomom, and I think she was reckless to attempt to carry eight babies to term like that, but for fuckssake people…she’s not saying she doesn’t love her kids, or that she regrets having them, only that it had been a mistake in implanting six embryos.

    Hell, I grew up knowing I was a birth control mistake, and so did my youngest brother. And my parents said MUCH worse things while we were growing up.

    Funny how I don’t resent them for it. If that’s the worst thing she says that gets flung into her kid’s faces as they grow up, they and she are getting off lightly.

    I disagree that it’s a “9” on the “things you wish you hadn’t said to/about your kids.”

    What isn’t and probably won’t ever be a question is that she wanted her kids, all of them, for whatever reason, they were all planned and birthed because SHE wanted them.

  4. Agreed! By no means do I like OctoMom or think that she’s at all a great mother but I think people are looking at this comment all wrong. She doesn’t mean she wishes she didn’t have her children she’s wishing she had been smarter about the IVF. My little sister was concieved while my mom was on birth control and it’s something we (including my sister) have always joked about. My mom jokes that she’s the best mistake that was ever made. So I don’t think it’s that damaging.

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