Online Dating Veteran: The False Advertiser
Everyone looks better online, but this is ridiculous.
Lauren Rich is an online dating veteran (the “newbie” can be found here), having logged many hours winking, messaging, and doing the dreaded “meeting in person.” Here, she shares some her most memorable experiences with internet dating and why everyone should be as truthful as possible on their profile.
A little while back I had started chatting with a guy on freebie dating site POF. (Although I have since deleted my profile after repeated garbage dates and messages with the subject “hey sexxxxy.”)
I was pretty psyched. Not only had TFA written me a well thought-out, cohesive message, he had a decent profile and well, looked pretty darn good in his pictures (especially the one of him shirtless on a boat). We messaged back and forth for about a week before he asked if he could pick me up that Friday for an ice-skating date. As a former figure skater of 8 years, I’m not gonna lie: I had always, always wanted to go on a romantical ice-skating date, and even though I knew I was breaking not one but two of the cardinal rules in internet dating, I turned a blind eye to my better common sense and (naively stupidly) agreed.
Rule #1: The 1st date is not a 1st date. It’s a chance for you to meet the other person and make sure you both live up to each other’s expectations. As such, NEVER plan an extensive date when you first meet. Meet for coffee or a drink in a crowded, public place. That way if your Prince Charming is a) a serial killer or b) looks and/or acts like a Troll, you can easily escape.
Rule #2: NEVER agree to let an Internet date pick up you up on “date” #1. Not only is this clearly unsafe (those story lines in Law & Order: SVU don’t come from nowhere…) if he’s not all you’ve got him cracked up to be, you’re stuck with him. Can’t exactly dive out the window. Or could you…drats. Should have thought of that. Always, always, always find your own transportation!
So anyway, date night arrives.
Those high expectations I had?
He calls to tell me he is downstairs when I first detect his Lon-gisland meets Joisey Shore meets Bronx accent. Now I am all for a man with an accent. A sexy accent. This, however – NOT sexy.
Next is the car. Ok, so I wasn’t expecting the Rolls Royce I was picked up in on my SugarDaddie.com date – or was it SeekingArrangement? – aaaah, so hard to keep track! But I certainly wasn’t expecting:
A clown car.