Online Dating Veteran: The False Advertiser

Everyone looks better online, but this is ridiculous.
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Online Dating Veteran: The False Advertiser

Everyone looks better online, but this is ridiculous.

-Lauren Rich

 Online Dating Veteran: THe False Advertisr

Lauren Rich is an online dating veteran (the “newbie” can be found here), having logged many hours winking, messaging, and doing the dreaded “meeting in person.” Here, she shares some her most memorable experiences with internet dating and why everyone should be as truthful as possible on their profile.

A little while back I had started chatting with a guy on freebie dating site POF. (Although I have since deleted my profile after repeated garbage dates and messages with the subject “hey sexxxxy.”)

I was pretty psyched. Not only had TFA written me a well thought-out, cohesive message, he had a decent profile and well, looked pretty darn good in his pictures (especially the one of him shirtless on a boat). We messaged back and forth for about a week before he asked if he could pick me up that Friday for an ice-skating date. As a former figure skater of 8 years, I’m not gonna lie: I had always, always wanted to go on a romantical ice-skating date, and even though I knew I was breaking not one but two of the cardinal rules in internet dating, I turned a blind eye to my better common sense and (naively stupidly) agreed.

Rule #1: The 1st date is not a 1st date. It’s a chance for you to meet the other person and make sure you both live up to each other’s expectations. As such, NEVER plan an extensive date when you first meet. Meet for coffee or a drink in a crowded, public place. That way if your Prince Charming is a) a serial killer or b) looks and/or acts like a Troll, you can easily escape.

Rule #2: NEVER agree to let an Internet date pick up you up on “date” #1. Not only is this clearly unsafe (those story lines in Law & Order: SVU don’t come from nowhere…) if he’s not all you’ve got him cracked up to be, you’re stuck with him. Can’t exactly dive out the window. Or could you…drats. Should have thought of that. Always, always, always find your own transportation!

Read The Online Dating Newbie: This Is Why I was Hesitant to Online Date

So anyway, date night arrives.

Those high expectations I had?

Promptly. Destroyed.

He calls to tell me he is downstairs when I first detect his Lon-gisland meets Joisey Shore meets Bronx accent. Now I am all for a man with an accent. A sexy accent. This, however – NOT sexy.

Next is the car. Ok, so I wasn’t expecting the Rolls Royce I was picked up in on my SugarDaddie.com date – or was it SeekingArrangement? – aaaah, so hard to keep track! But I certainly wasn’t expecting:

A clown car. 


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0 thoughts on “Online Dating Veteran: The False Advertiser

  1. candace2010 says:

    i wouldn’t have even gotten in the car

  2. kitty says:

    LOL! I can relate — why is i so hard to just extricate ourselves from a clearly bad time?!

  3. Fashionista says:

    This is my worst nightmare! How awful! You should’ve bolted when you first saw the clown car!

  4. Yay heels says:

    I had that happen to me on an internet date- the guy was 20 years older than his photo. I met him at a bar, sat with him for 5 minutes and then walked out.

  5. uptowngirl says:

    OMG no way – I would never have gone with him!

  6. sugarpie says:

    Honestly, there has to be a better way.

  7. esolkneerod says:

    This is why I don’t even bother trying online dating.

  8. baminboca says:

    I have had many things happen to me and i am not a baby but some of these men need to look in the mirror

  9. insevernapark says:

    Loved this, been there. My one and only online showed up with no teeth. Funny, he had teeth in the profile picture. Must have forgotten them.

  10. Earlmook says:

    A lot of women online are so not in reality and a lot of times they expect this “instant connection”, this absolutely “perfect guy”. It’s not going to happen, most men are going to be “normal” and yeah you might obviously run into some weird men but 90/95% of the time they are normal men on the paying dating sites. esolkneerod “This is why I don’t even bother trying online dating.” So you would rather take home a complete drunk stranger from the bar that seriously you don’t know anything about sleep with him and then you constantly bitch, cry moan about you can’t find a decent guy. Seriously tell us what you know about the drunken guy from the bar you took home? Whereas online you get to know him, talk to him and yes go out with him, it’s pretty easy to tell if a person is not who they are online (by the way they write, spell check and the way they fill out their profiles). Also then women constantly bitch about there is no “decent guys” around well you want to know where they are?????? They

  11. Earlmook says:

    Ba ha ha ha the MeetingMillionaries.com now that is a bunch of crock site. There, of course you

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