Ask The Mouthy Housewives: I’m Dating Again And Am Confused About Waxing
What is the protocol on hair “down there”?
-The Mouthy Housewives
Joining us here at BettyConfidential … The Mouthy Housewives! These lovely models of decorum (Kelcey, Wendi, Marinka, Kristine and Tonya) want our lives to be as fabulous as theirs, thus they’re happy to ignore their families to give us smart, cheeky advice. So pop open a box of rosé, put on your favorite Barry Manilow CD and let the Housewives Swiffer away your troubles … Every week they’ll be answering burning questions from readers.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I’m back on the dating market after a long, drawn-out divorce and eager to meet a new guy. I know this is a little ridiculous, but my question is: do men prefer natural hair down below, or the 100% waxed, Brazilian look? And why?
To Wax or Not to Wax
Dear Wax No Wax,
Here at the Mouthy Housewives, we go that extra mile for our readers. So I decided to conduct a formal research project by polling men on this topic. I selected all of the men in my Facebook friends list and asked if they preferred a nude hoo-haa or a naturally hairy one and why. Two days later I find myself with no male friends on Facebook. I don’t understand what happened?
But who needs Facebook?! While at the library, I polled the men who happened to be there that day, which most were on an outing from an assisted living facility. I don’t think the elderly know what a Brazlian wax job is because they kept telling me to wash my mouth out with soap. What does that have to do with pubic hair?
In the end I could only get poll results from my husband and one of his friends. My research shows the following:
50% of men prefer a well-groomed natural look since a fully denuded hoo-haa reminds them of a prepubescent girl.
50% of men prefer a Brazilian waxed hoo-haa for its cleanliness and ease of maneuverability.
Are you wondering what in the world “ease of maneuverability” means in terms of lady bits? Me too! Then I realized that particular male subject is a close descendant of Sasquatch, thus having enough body hair for two people. Add any more hair into the mix and the friction creates a fire hazard.
So unless you are dating Sasquatch’s great great-grandson, I say it’s up to you. Some women swear the Brazilian upkeep brings more pleasure, and while I don’t reject the hypothesis, I do reject the pain, especially if the man doesn’t reciprocate by also waxing his manly bits. A full Brazilian, a bushy Sasquatch, or somewhere in between, discover your preference and forget the men.
The Mouthy Housewives spend our days solving the world’s problems and our nights playing classical piano and reading fine literature. Or maybe just yelling at reality TV shows. Need our help? Send your question to firstname.lastname@example.org. (All questions are confidential.) And you can find more smart, cheeky advice at The Mouthy Housewives.