The Best Relationship Advice EVER

You hit the nail on the head with this awesome advice, Dan Savage.

The Best Relationship Advice EVER

You hit the nail on the head with this awesome advice, Dan Savage.

-April Daniels Hussar

woman smiling

The other day I read a great interview on with Dan Savage. He’s the dating advice columnist and gay rights advocate who started the “It Gets Better” Project – a truly remarkable, brilliant and life-saving endeavor. The interview is fascinating and inspiring and I recommend it,  but I’ll cut to the chase. Toward the end of the interview, Savage gives, causally, the BEST piece of relationship advice for anyone – gay, straight, young, old, married, single (you get the idea).

His interviewer, Joshua Kors, mentions his own frustration with dating. Will Kors ever meet the right woman, stop making the same mistakes?

Read Top 5 Flirting Techniques and the Fantasies They Create in Men’s Minds

And Savage offers this piece of advice: “I think the best thing for you to do is just live your life. Live a life that’s worth living, one where you do what you want to do, pursue your passions. That way, if you meet someone, they’ll be joining a life that’s already really good. And if you don’t meet anyone, you can still look back at the end and say, ‘You know what: I lived a really great life.’”

Kors says, “Makes sense.”

Savage continues, “Keep going on dates. And don’t get bitter, either about women or the dating process. … Life doesn’t owe you anything, and I think it’s up to all of us to go out and create a fulfilling life for ourselves. Like, my husband Terry, he left the house an hour ago. We have a life together. But if he never comes back, I still need to have something here, a life of my own, one that’s fulfilling in itself.

There it is, folks. In a nutshell. The best – and often hardest to listen to and actually LIVE – dating / relationship advice ever.

Quite possibly the secret to life.

We must not allow ourselves to be completely defined by our relationships, by our point in space and time only relative to someone else’s point in space and time. Oh, how I wish I could go back to my 24-year-old self, knock the Cosmopolitan out of her hand, shake her silly head vigorously, and yell, “THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN BOYS!! REALLY! Take some of that energy you’re wasting on them and concentrate on YOU! Your dreams and goals, you silly nitwit! (And why are you wearing that?!)”

When I think of all the time I spent pursuing or worrying about being pursued or flirting with guys into pursuing me so I could immediately lose interest or having my heart broken or agonizing over relationships or wishing I was single when I wasn’t and wishing I was part of a “whole” when I wasn’t … aughhh!

That’s all I can say: Aughh.

And now, when I see my single friends, or my younger friends and sisters, and how much TIME and ENERGY they devote to their boyfriends, girlfriends or lack thereof … how many Facebook status updates have to do with their boyfriends, girlfriends or lack thereof … I want to tell them the same thing (minus the nitwit part. Usually.). Yes, of course relationships are important. Yes, of course you want to find love and happiness, yes, of course you want your boyfriend to fulfill some part of you and your girlfriend to call you back … BUT WHAT ELSE?

What else is important and meaningful in your life? What else fulfills you? How much do you love and respect yourself, as is, through only your eyes and no one else’s?

I know how I would have answered that question 10 years ago – or longer ago – back to high school even – and it makes me sad. I wish I had met some brilliant therapist or advisor who could have helped me learn about enjoying my own company, enjoying just the twosome of the world and little old me. And the threesome of me, myself and I.

And also, appreciating so much more those relationships that didn’t revolve around sex and attraction and “am I worthy now?”, but did revolve around love – my dear girlfriends. What a waste of time, I think now, that my best friend Amy and I spent so much time getting ready to go “out” together – when now I realize that she was the best part of that time in my life. And I thank God, the universe, the great turtle in the sky that I still have her, and my other life-saving, life-affirming friends.

I know, I know. Relationships are a part of life – I mean, it’s a natural, biological imperative, right? We want to mate.

And find a mate I eventually did – for life (I hope). I’ve grown up a lot, of course, as we tend to do. But when I became a mother and got married, I was still figuring out who I was. I never made time for myself to just BE. And it’s been a long, long road to finding some kind of comfortable place of being together with someone without completely merging into an identity of “us.” I’m happily married (though it’s not like a 24/7 state of peaceful bliss, right honey?)… but there’s more to me than my marriage; there’s more to my husband than our marriage – and that’s how it should be. It keeps our relationship stronger.

And if we ever did get divorced, which I don’t think we will, but if we did – I really hope that my whole sense of self would not disappear with that loss. I’m taking a good look at my life right now to make sure of it.

Thanks, Dan Savage. I heard you, and I hope so many more people do too.

April Daniels Hussar is BettyConfidential’s Executive Editor. Tweet her! @aprilhussar

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7 thoughts on “The Best Relationship Advice EVER

  1. This is definitely the best advice ever! It took me many, many years and several failed marriages to finally realize the truth in these words.
    Girls, heed this profound statement and in the bargain find what YOU really want. (Chances are it won’t be a man that ultimately brings you satisfaction.)

  2. My whole life i ve never had a stable relationship all men come get want they and go.As a matter of fact i saw myself as tool for all men.I don’t no its like i was just not loveable no matter how i give my all to them they end up living me with nothing but a broken heart.All these bad relationship i had experienced led to a psychological breake down thank my star that i got through that.Finding a man was never hard for me they just all wanted sex with me and once they get it, they all live but for the first time i found one that was willing to stay.I had never felt whole in my entire life but with him i kept floating in the sky.Yes he was married and unhappy he only married his wife cos they had a child together.One thing was for sure, as he made me whole i also did to him.We where in love as much as i cud tell he was willing to divorce his wife to be with me but she wudn’t let go like she owned his life and wanted him to me miserable 4 life.I don’t no but something made her too dangerous for him to get out of the marriage.For the first time in my life i found a man that was not willing to go anyway he was willing to fight for our love ven if it kills him.2 year passed and she wouldn’t let go so i just felt i should do something about it.I seeked advice and help if they could i even checked the internet for solution which ended up being a waste of time.However, i saw articles or rather comments of a lot of persons who used spell casting to fix their relationship and some it get those who they loved to see how much they loved them.And they all kept referring to a particular spell caster mutton osun.At first i just ignored it but my lover came across those article also.After we talked about it we decided to contact him and asked if he cud in any way help us.He just and only asked us to provide some really weird materials that just thinking if it made me scared not like they were harmful its just that i was not used to this things.We ie me and my lover decided that we sould asked him to get them with what we sent to him ie, money.We asked him to cast a spell to make ,y lover wife set him free and he did as we asked and it walked i know cos 12 hours before he said he has completed the spell, she was still very much not going to sign any divorce paper but after the spell was completed all we did was give her the paper and without a fight he signed it.I know its hard to belief only the people close to us know how true this is.lets just say you want to contact use this email address

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