The Ever Chivalrous Jesse James: "I Wouldn't Change Anything”

Was there ever a lovelier paragon of gentlemanly behavior than Jesse James?

The Ever Chivalrous Jesse James: “I Wouldn’t Change Anything”

Was there ever a lovelier paragon of gentlemanly behavior?

-April Daniels Hussar

Jesse James Piers Morgan

Isn’t Jesse James just a delightful specimen of manhood? Such a stand-up guy! After unleashing his “memoir” on us, James is now merrily enjoying an interview tour. Piers Morgan had the supreme privilege of being James’ latest stop, whereupon James informed the world, about cheating on Sandra Bullock, “I wouldn’t go back and change things, you know?”

Um, no, we don’t know.  Do explain, Mr. James!

“I’m — in a way, I’m glad the stuff happens.”

Oh really?

Don’t worry — James isn’t happy about hurting anyone (but still, he wouldn’t go back and change things). “I’m not happy that I hurt [Sandra], and hurt so many people around her, and my family and everybody else. You know, I would never want to put anybody through that again. But I’m a firm believer that things happen in life to teach us a lesson, you know?

Hmmm. What could the lesson here be? Think … think!

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Rest assured, James appears to have found some deeper spiritual meaning in his philandering: “And there’s obviously someone that thought, you know, I was a strong (EXPLETIVE DELETED) to put this kind of adversity on me, you know? And push me to my — you know, damn near to my breaking point.”

So to clarify — God (or “somebody”) actually “put” this situation on James to prove what a strong man James is! Amazing! And here I thought James himself created his own situation because he’s such an ass!

Glad we got that cleared up!

Oh — also? The whole thing is kind of Sandra’s fault in the first place.

I don’t think Sandy and I were ever really friends. You know, we were — went right into relationship, and then marriage. And then, you know, right into that, and never really friends. And you know, Kat and I seem to be connected on like such a higher level.”

Can you imagine? Right from a relationship into marriage? How could any man stand that kind of craziness? Like, there are such higher levels of connection, you know?

But never fear! This story has a happy ending. Morgan asks,  “Do you believe you may have found true love?” and James says he just might!

“I think so. I’ve never felt the way I do, you know, for anyone the way I feel for [Kat]. I’ve never had that feeling. And I’ve never had someone like have my back 100 percent, you know? And stick by me when everyone turned their back. And she says, “[EXPLETIVE DELETED] it, I’m — you know, I’m your friend, and — and I — I stand by you. I don’t care what anybody says.” You know?

“And I think that’s the definition of like what, you know, people that care about each other should be…

“I think it’s something that’s like a conscious day to day, you know, thought process. And — and, you know, I think I’m vocal with, you know, Kat, that if I don’t get something that I’m needing or, some kind of affection or whatever, and vice versa — both of us are committed to work on our relationship together. And make sure we’re 100 percent what each of us want for each other.

“And I — I’ve never had a partner that did that. You know, it’s always been, you know, either my way or the highway, or you know, something like that. And man, she’s like — you know, she’s committed to like being everything that I want her to be, and same here…”

(From Transcripts.CNN.com, via CeleBitchy.com)

SO — to summarize: James wouldn’t change a thing; he and Sandra were “never really friends” anyway, and Sandra certainly never “had his back” like Kat Von D does now.

All clear?

Congrats, Jesse James, on spinning your 15 minutes of infamy out even further and further, and continuing to demonstrate what a thoughtless jerk you are!

April Daniels Hussar is BettyConfidential’s Executive Editor. Tweet her! @aprilhussar


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