The Most Pathetic Type of Man

Can you believe guys like this still exist? Neither can we.
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couple dancing


Silence is what she heard for the next three days. No texts, no phone calls, nothing. This guy had actually done the classic “hit it and quit it,” but in the most sleazy, evil and conniving way.

Here’s why this makes me so upset to the point that I am abusing my keyboard right now (and it didn’t even happen to me). It boggles my mind that a grown man living in New York still feels the need to play the game this way. If sex was his one and only goal, he could’ve made that clear the moment he met my friend (trust us guys, women can handle that now – in fact, we’ve come to expect it nine times out of ten). If my friend wasn’t looking for that type of hookup (which she wasn’t), she would’ve had the opportunity to walk away and he could’ve found someone else who was down for a no-strings night of mediocre humping.

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But, he didn’t. Instead, he devoted hours of his time to butter my friend up to the point where she couldn’t stop thinking about him. After all, he was doing everything “right,” and all signs pointed to the idea that he was pursuing her for serious, long-term reasons. Yet really, all of that time, effort, talk and money was for one night of sex? What an idiot.

The only possible explanation I have for why the most pathetic type of man still exists is that he finds some twisted joy in the challenge of bedding a girl who isn’t down for a one-night stand. “How many dates do I have to take her on to get her to do this?” he probably thinks. And in the time it would take him to sleep with four different girls who were just looking for a good time, he focuses all of his efforts on taking down one.

I know this isn’t a groundbreaking concept – you’ve heard it and seen it and read it all before (thanks Tucker Max, author of the seminal tome I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, for your great contributions to society). And, I want to make it clear that I know not every guy does this. It just blows my mind that there are still some out there who do—who consider screwing a sport and hard-to-get women the prize—even though there’s more evidence now than ever before that there’s no point.

For instance (forgive me, all the non-Jersey Shore viewers, but this is all I can think of at the moment), Snooki can be the poster child for this – there are plenty of girls out there just like her who have no problem admitting they’re “Down to F*&k.” They may not be announcing it on national television, but they’re making it clear when they meet a guy at the bar. And it’s very easy, as the Jersey Shore boys demonstrate, to tell the difference between the ones who are “DTF,” and the ones who aren’t. Samantha Jones, although a fictional character on Sex and the City, is another example.

My point is this: American women have evolved. We live in a society that has (for the most part) accepted the fact that we are just as sexual as men. I’m not saying we’ve all turned into Snooki or Samantha Jones, but we have learned to embrace this side of ourselves and be more open and honest about sex, when we want it and with whom.

So, there is no need for a guy to trick a woman into sleeping with him by pretending he wants something he really doesn’t… like a relationship. Not only is it a waste of his and her time, but it’s probably the most pathetic thing someone can do.

Faye Brennan is assistant editor at BettyConfidential.

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29 thoughts on “The Most Pathetic Type of Man

  1. Must Love Pink 16 says:

    Men can seriously be such DOGS!

  2. ugogirl says:

    dogs, i love’m! actually, maybe the sex was so bad for whatever reason, the guy was nice enough (to avoid embarrassing your friend) that he thought it was best to bail rather than tell your friend something bad about her.

  3. DiamondLove says:

    This is why women should wait a couple of months before jumping in the sack with a man. I doubt he would’ve kept up the charade for that long, therefore giving him the opportunity to bail without anyone getting used. A man who really likes you will wait, because sex isn’t the goal and getting to know her well is.

  4. jakki says:

    I think there’s another PROBABLE reason why the guy stopped calling after sex with the girl. How about he didn’t like the sex?! Just how do you tell a person you’re no longer interested in them after you sleep together and find out they aren’t good in bed? Well, you don’t. You just disappear… at least that’s what most men do when they lose interest… for whatever reason. I’m not saying it’s a NICE thing to do. But when the sex is bad, there is no nice way to get out of the situation.

  5. t-bone says:

    Damn Faye, this must have been one of your ace boon coons (real pals) for you to have gotten this upset about something so trivial. It

  6. Nyla says:

    I agree with posts #1-4. Men can be dogs. But also, the sex may have been bad. Maybe there is something to be said about dating for a long while before having sex. That way the friendship would be hard to cast aside and the partners could teach each other what they like if they felt the sex wasn’t as good as it could be. Either way, the guy should have told her why he didn’t want to see her anymore. That was very immature.

  7. Lennie Ross says:

    I do agree it is a pathetic move, but there is a small
    chance he may have just found out something unpleasant about her durif that sexual experience and he was too cowardly to address it. But, we women must not be so naive either! We want the fairy tale ending so badly, we forget to see what men want – to get laid. If agree with an earlier comment that a woman should just hold out longer before having sex if she fears potential disappointment. I believe women should ban the one-night stand not stoop so low as to be equal with men by being DTF. All that does is hurt your self-esteem.

    1. Patrick84635 says:

      Some men want a trusting relationship with a lifetime partner. Its better to be friends first, then date. Women are getting what they asked for, equal treatment, and thereby lower standards. Not all men are just into sex, some men (myself) want a partner they can trust. But the reality is there will always be a majority of women who are looking for greener pastures. If a man asked you to not have sex for six months as a waiting period to start seriously dating him, most women would find that laughable. Women say they want love but they are deluded into thinking that it comes with trust for free. Simply put, if you are a woman who is complaining about men sleeping with you and then leaving, and at the same time you are relying on spotty actions and interpretation as a way to communicate, then you have only yourself to blame.
      If you want to sleep with alot of different men then you have no one to tell you no. If, like the majority of women, you are not communicating with words and are relying on passive methods, then you are the one who needs to start taking responsibility, not a knight in shining armor.

    2. Chelsea says:

      I truly understand why most women hold this view, as I used to myself. But on my first date with my SO we had such a good time at our early breakfast we extended it to spending the day in the park… then lunch, and, then to the afternoon talking at his apartment, and then that evening we had dinner and sex(!), and spent the rest of the weekend together, saw each other a few times the next etc., so on and so on, until way down the track we've now been living together for 9 months. I agree that I could have been the simplest prey for a guy with bad intentions, and have never done that before, ever. But I dislike the whole culture of this article in denouncing women for how they choose to have sex. I had sex with a man because we clicked, and I trusted him- and sometimes they're assholes, sometimes they're not. Don't beat down on your fellow woman though…

  8. ChattyCathy says:

    What a jerk!!

  9. Athirson says:

    Maybe he really was into her. Then the sex sucked. What would you do?

  10. mkb1313 says:

    I guess this is why it’s a good idea to wait a little while… how far can the patience of a man like this be tested, I wonder…

  11. steady says:

    Whoa…! If the author considers the scorned woman a “good friend” why didn’t she ask that the good friend contact the guy and find out what he’s up to. perhaps there’s a perfectly logical reason that the “good firend” nor the author considered before lighting the guy up – relax…!

  12. twayned says:

    They could be more to this than is being told ???? Lets hear the other side of the story before passing judgment !!!

  13. dustycook54 says:

    My intent is not to write a book here but …
    I find it funny that women into day’s world with the abundance of information are less intelligent than their “Grate Grandmas.” To think that any man would pay for/buy the milk cow when he can have the milk for free is stupid. Just from the man’s point of view it is simply bad business.

    Note to all Ladies, most all men want their wives to be virgins. Even men who are unable to keep their sausage wrapped have a different standard for their wives. It’s important to remember that a man is no better than a male dog that smells a bitch in heat … (It’s the male dog who goes looking for the Hot Bitch and not the bitch who goes looking for the male.) I apologize here for using the “V” word in an open forum.

    There are some things that all people need to do differently than other people do. As an example a 6 foot 6 inch 300 lbs man can walk down a dark alley at night and feel somewhat safe, Me on the other hand at 5-8 and 135 lbs will not walk down any alley anytime day or night! My thoughts on this are that I am being smart and prudent; I don’t cry that it’s not fair that I can’t do it.

    Now let me explain here I am at the age of 33 and I have not found a lady who is not willing to crawl into bed for a one time fling or to get her man. God help me are there any interesting women in America today who know how to keep their panties on?

    Does this sound like sexism? You tell me.

  14. danggirl says:

    Puh-lease people. There is NO “other side” to this story. Sure — in this particular instance, MAYBE after they had sex, the guy in question realized he didn’t want to be with her. MAYBE he wasn’t just after the “get” the whole time, MAYBE he feels bad now but didn’t start out to be a jerk. SO WHAT? He should man up and give her a call!!!

  15. KittyK says:

    hmmmm… I’m thinking MOST men are out for one night stands. There *has to be* the odd one out there who actually wants a relationship… I mean there are certain animals who do.. ie: the wolf… he mates for life and they say man is supposed to be smarted than animals. I wonder though…
    Every time I turn around I’m seeing situations of just “love ‘m and leave ‘em”. How terribly, terribly sad… :(

  16. KittyK says:

    correction: man is supposed to be smarter* than animals

  17. KittyK says:

    To those of you who look for virginal wives, who can’t keep their sausage covered…: You guys ever hear the song “It Wasn’t God Who Made Honky-Tonk Angels”
    But oh gee! Guess we’re all supposed to go to the Picnics and church group activities, huh? ’cause that’s where we’re suppose to meet up with DECENT men… not the ones who would bed us down and then judge us for the same thing that THEY do!!! Ever cross your sex-filled minds that the ladies who DO go to bed with those Special Someones that they’re just trying to PLEASE them??? In this day and age, it’s next to *impossible* to know just WHAT we’re supposed to do!!!!

  18. NaptownCutie says:

    I love DTF. I also love how I'm not the only evolved woman on the planet. We love the no-strings attached stuff, too!

    1. ok34598643 says:

      Under that attitude is a childhood of emotional abuse and neglect. I am sorry that evolved has come to represent unattached to you. I hope you eventually discover that no real happiness comes from no-strings attached sex. Its hollow and you have been lied to. Its just an addiction, a compulsion at that point. Nothing to do with religion, morals, or anything else, just facts. Even your username shows how you value your sexuality as a tool, as your worth. Do you say judgemental things alot, do you find yourself thinking spiteful things about others? Are you reading this saying to yourself "screw this person, they dont know me" ?
      Hey, maybe I am wrong.

  19. Catca says:

    First of all, 4 dates is not that much of an investment on the guys part. I honestly think women should burn “the rules” book where somehow the third date is supposed to be this magical number whereby that’s when it’s okay to sleep with the guy. Second of all, the story gives no mention as to whether they talked about the relationship – i.e. were they now going to be exclusive, etc. before hitting the sack together. And, as other people noted, this may have just been a case of bad sex. In any event, your friend should learn a lesson that yes, you want to look for signs that a guy is into you, but you also want to communicate with him before hitting the sack rather than strictly judging him based on him appearing into you on a couple of dates. It’s how we gals did it twenty years ago and it worked! It was actually more the exception than the norm that women were used by men if they added that whole communication thing and waited until the relationship was ready for sex rather than just saying, hey, he was into me for a couple dates so let’s go for it.

  20. LJ Maggie says:

    I have to say that the most recent guy I was dating waited three months to have sex with me. He took time to get to know me. Then three months after that he made a comment about flirting with a bartender, when I told him it bothered me, he said that he thought of us as friends with benefits. There were so many actions of his that made me think it could be more than that. So even if you do wait they still don’t see you as a girlfriend.

  21. Bree says:

    maybe your friend shouldn't have had sex on the first date… Seriously. What guy can respect a girl who gives it up after only knowing them for a few hours. Maybe if she was more protective of herself she wouldn't have been put in this situation in the first place. Picking people up at bars is the sleaziest thing ever. Especially for a women.

  22. Anon says:

    Let's not talk about how women cheat on the regular and try to keep it a secret.

  23. nate0621 says:

    ha ha… i used to be that guy that treated woman with respect… i got dumped after dumped after dumped… oh and all these woman would call me their best friend and shit and…yes all of them but whatever… joined the military got out went to school on my gi bill… got a decent job… bought my own house with 20 acres, motorcycles, dirtbikes, fourwheelers, a jetski (just paid of my truck and bought another new car as a beater to work lol), gaming computers, basicly my own kingdom of ME. Heres the best part these chciks hooked up with dudes that make mininum wage and live in trash fucking apartments with barley inspected cars with… and a fucking kid… OMG two of them fucking begged to take them back and their excuse is I KNOW YOU STILL LIKE ME, my response you got a kid… word of caution never say that to a chick that has a kid, like she started crying and really flipping about how she messed up, i really hope she doesnt kill herself and she always drives by my house and she even had the nerve to stop in (shes married) and always talks about how i would make some kid a wonderful dad (lol yeah ok)… you fucking chicks are crazy!

  24. Mike says:

    She probably was a really boring lay. Gotta test drive the car before you buy it! I think the dude was genuinely interested until he sampled the goods lol.

  25. array528 says:

    Maybe if you IDIOT broads would give REAL, GENUINE, NOT-ALWAYS-GORGEOUS-BUT-AT-LEAST-AVERAGE-LOOKING MEN a chance then you wouldn't have this problem.

    Any problem women have with dating are ENTIRELY THEIR OWN FAULT!

  26. Youarestupid says:

    Sounds like her own damn fault. Get to know someone, trust them, be open about what you need and want in the relationship, and you usually don't get burned like that. This story, and all the stories I heard here making dating sound so soulless and mechanical, I can't imagine you're likely to GET anything other than short-lived casual sex.

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