May 6: Single Ladies Get Out of Work (with Pay) Day
Due to an excessive obsession with guacamole and margaritas from the night before, any woman who is not attached to a man by formal titles bestowed by the state, church, or Facebook, is permitted to not go into work to recover from her hangover from Cinco de Mayo. She will get paid her usual wages, and her attached friends are required to send her orange juice, diet coke, and appropriate feel-better food. Street vendor grub gladly accepted.
June 24: National One-Night Stand Day
Since this is a time where single ladies should be gallivanting to exotic places by themselves or with other free ladies, this is the day to celebrate being non-committed by enjoying a one night stand of your choice. By having out-of-this-world sexy time during this 24-hour period (every minute, if you’d like) – your overall “number” does not go up, your emotions do not go haywire, and you are free to enjoy with no-strings-attached. Protection is a must. Foreigners encouraged.
July 4: National Independence Day (USA)
September 5: Anti-Labor Day
In celebration of the fact that we’ve never had to go through labor pains and we don’t have to labor over pleasing a man, let us all raise a glass and a diamond-less hand to our slender bodies and well-rested heads. (Single mothers are the exception because we can’t even imagine how they can do it all on their own, even if they have actually been in labor).
October 29: Free to Be Scary Looking Day
With masks and costumes preparing to roam the streets, single women of the world honor the fact that they can just be themselves, in the privacy of their own apartments, without having to worry about their looks for a man. No makeup with a green cleansing facial masque on, no clothes or pushup bras, no shaving in any area if we don’t fancy, and no zit-left-unpopped for this day. Be free, be a tad-bit scary looking…and still feel beautiful.
November 30: Thank Goodness I’m Single Day
While attached ladies are busy worrying about how their in-laws will get along, who will bring what dish to dinner and if they’re boyfriend/husband will say they are thankful for “them” when the crowd counts their blessings around the table, we’re encouraged to do whatever we like. Don’t want to go anywhere but our friend’s place and drink wine while “cooking” a turkey? Go for it. Try and make a list of reasons why you’re thankful to be single, too.
December 10: National Sparkle for Singles Day
Put down the third gift for mom, and the rice maker for Aunt Jo. Tis’ the time to buy yourself something…just for you. There is no better way to say “I love me” than to feel like a star at the end of the year, throughout the year…and always.
Tell us: How awesome are these single gal holidays?
Lindsay Tigar is a writer and editor living in New York, NY. She writes a popular daily blog called Confessions of a Love Addict that chronicles her journey to self-love and dating adventures in Manhattan. To reach Lindsay, email her, or follow her on Twitter.