3. Stop stressing about your body.
Wondering if he can tell you’re overdue for a bikini wax or twisting your body into a uncomfortable position just because it flattens your stomach has an unsexy two-pronged effect: Trying to hide your flaws will lead you down a rabbit hole of distraction, diluting any pleasure you’re receiving.
If you’re feeling self-conscious, you could always leave on sexy babydoll lingerie and light some candles, but you’re better off just closing your eyes and focusing on how amazing sex feels. The good news: It’s unlikely he’s examining you for flaws anyway. Surprising research conducted by Emory University found that men are more likely to first look at a woman’s face. “This was surprising to us as we thought certainly breasts or genitals would be first,” says study co-author, Kim Wallen, Ph.D., professor of psychology and behavioral neuroendocrinology. “However, when we asked the men why the face first, they said, ‘I wanted to know if she was enjoying it.’”
In other words, men want to make sure you’re turned on and enjoying the moment. Of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t also take a gander at your breasts, but let’s state the obvious here: You’re having sex so clearly, he already likes your body just the way it is.
4. Employ your five senses.
When you taste a gooey dessert, smell an intoxicating fragrance or soak in a steaming bath, you use several, if not all, of your five basic senses (smell, taste, sight, sound and touch) to enjoy the experience. So why neglect them during sex—especially when you need them the most? “Tuning into your senses allows you to stay present and connected because sex becomes an intimate, full-body event, rather than a performance,” says Gina Ogden, Ph.D., author of The Return of Desire: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion. So take your pick: Inhale his scent emanating from the crook of his neck, gaze into his eyes or concentrate on how your bodies feel against each other.
5. Speak up.
“When a position or move isn’t working for you, communicate your thoughts, otherwise they just scream louder in your head,” says Sadie Allison, a sex therapist in San Francisco, CA. “The result is a distracted state of mind because you’re sucking up your feelings, which can ruin the whole sexual experience.”
Try saying something positive and constructive like, ‘Can you do that thing you were doing before?’ to get your point heard—and your pleasure back on track.
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