Bad dating advice #6: “Always look your best, you never know who you’ll meet.”
Okay let’s say “getting out there” is technically anywhere: a coffee shop, a supermarket, a traffic light. That’s exciting but the prospect of having to look my very best to buy a delicious meatball sub for lunch really doesn’t fit in my schedule. It’s not that I work too hard, it’s that my face doesn’t always do that thing where it looks like a girl and maybe I don’t have the mental stamina to primp in front of a light-bulbed vanity like a Liza Minnelli impersonator in order to leave my house for a snack.
Suggested revision: Don’t ever let a man come between you and your sandwich.
Bad Dating Advice #7: “Wear red.”
I love these “study” based tips that involve a room of 12 dudes and a slide show of different models in colored t-shirts. So 56 percent percent of men, which is about 6 and half guys who do psychology experiments for money or school credit, choose a girl in a red shirt over a girl in a blue shirt. I really need more information on the cut of these shirts before I start taking fashion advice from studies published in 1997.
Suggested revision: Wear low cut shirts. Men like boobs.
Bad dating advice #8: “Add a conversation piece to your outfit.”
Lets see here, do I wear the neon glow-stick necklace from my cousin’s Bar Mitzvah or that pin from Cluck U that confirms I once ate a really hot wing? Those are the only two items in my jewelry collection that would spark a decent conversation.
Suggested revision: Stop accessorizing and leave the house already.
And to finish: On the subjects of being too available and/or yourself!