ASK REAL GUYS
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I have been dating this man for almost nine years. In our third year of dating, he did what he calls flirting. He said he felt I was secure enough in our relationship that it would not be an issue. We talked about what took place, and he realized what he did was not what I was looking for in a relationship and said he would not do that again. I had lost trust in him, but he opened his life to me (e.g. bank account, pay stubs etc.). I felt that if I did look into those things he would see that I did not trust him at all, so I did not look at them. I still could not get the mistrust issue out of my head. Now he says that I have busted his balls for so long that he wants to be with me and he does not want to be with me. He says he feels he has to look at the ground when we go out. So we don’t go out. I have noticed a lot of changes in his affection for me. I have made a lot changes in my thinking, and he said he sees this, but he can not get passed it.
Avery: It sounds like that both of you – after being together for nine years – need to sit down with an independent third party to discuss what’s going on between you, what’s causing him to feel the way he does, and you the way you do. Opening up one’s bank account and pay stubs doesn’t make up for opening up about feelings and actions.