What We Predict Will Happen to the Jersey Shore Cast in Italy
Can you imagine what kind of shenanigans Snooki and crew will get into overseas? Allow us to offer our predictions.
They dominated Seaside Heights twice and invaded Miami with their GTL-ing. Now, Snooki, The Situation, DJ Pauly D and the rest of the Jersey Shore crew are taking their pickles and grenade whistles with them overseas… to Italy.
“Cabs are… here?”
MTV is currently scouting the perfect location in the motherland to host the tanned gang, where shooting will begin this spring. The decision has pissed off Italian American groups here in the States (they think they’ll make Americans and Italians look like “buffoons and bimbos.” Psshh!), but we couldn’t be more excited!
The cast members are a bit nervous, including Pauly D, who told MTV, “I don’t know what gyms are like over there, I don’t know what tanning’s like, I don’t know the food, and the language — I don’t even speak Italian. Maybe I should get a Rosetta Stone or something.” Good idea, Pauly!
While you’re learning how to translate, “It’s t-shirt time!” we’ll share what we hope think will happen to you and your cast members during season four of the show! Va bene!
Here are our predictions:
- Pauly D will rent a Maserati convertible to cruise the highway, at well over the 80 mph speed limit, looking for chicks. His hair still won’t move.
- Italian men—who are known for their er, love of the ladies—will say “No, grazie” to any and all advances from Snooki. Snooki will hear, “Wanna smush?”
- Once The Situation learns that “Situation” translates to situazione in Italian, he will say it 100 times per episode. At least.
- Deena will engorge herself with so much real Italian food (not the crap her mama serves and calls “Italian”) that she will finally turn into a literal meatball.
- Super sleazy Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi will meet his downfall when he’s caught motorboating J-Woww’s massive boobs on the beach. He will claim he thought they were part of a sand castle – surely breasts could never be that big.
- A spa in Veneto will have to temporarily shut down after Vinny takes a grenade who’s DTF into a hot spring. “It’s just like our Jacuzzi at the shore!”
- Mistaking Angelina for a dog, Italians will insist she has to wear a muzzle if she’s going to walk the streets without a leash.
- Feeling inspired by getting in touch with his roots, Ronni will get a tattoo that reads, “Ho un uccello piccolo.” He will tell everyone it says, “To my divine heritage,” when it really says, “I have a small penis.”
- Sammi will try to buy a fake Prada purse, get caught by the polizia, and get the boot from the country! Perfetto!
Tell us: what do you think will happen when the Jersey Shore cast goes to Italy?
Faye Brennan is assistant editor at BettyConfidential.