Who Should Jessica Simpson Date Next?
Some expert dating advice from the Bettys for Jessica Simpson!
Uh oh … we have another Jessica Simpson breakup on our hands. Tsk, tsk … we really did think she and Tony made a cute couple, but, as they say, onward and upward! Time for a new boy, Jessica, before you fall into that sad little victim role — and we’ve done all the work for you. Simply refer to our handy list of potential mates, get your people on the job (or, your Dad, whatever), and you’ll be back K-I-S-S-I-N-G in the tree in no time!
Top 5 Picks for Jessica Simpson’s Next Boyfriend:
1. The MOST OBVIOUS choice of course is … Nick Lachey! Can it be a mere fluke that he’s recently single as well? Coincidence? Or … destiny? Seriously — how much would you LOVE to watch this reality show: “Newlyweds … Again!” It’s exactly what they both need – a highly publicized romance and a major shot in the arm for both of their careers. (You can thank us later, Jessica, Nick and your respective money people. Just remember – diamonds are a girl’s best friend!)
2. Ok, ok, so a Jessica and Nick reunion – FABULOUS TV though that would make – just might not be in the stars. (Though we’re totally keeping our fingers crossed.) The NEXT most obvious choice then is, clearly … Bradley Cooper. We all know he and John Mayer share the same taste in women. However – just to ward off the almost inevitable broken heart, we suggest Jessica start things off on the right foot by immediately issuing the following statement: “Bradley Cooper is a wonderful person, a great guy, but we are JUST FRIENDS. Plain and simple. He’s a good buddy!”
Best defense is a good offence, Jess! (Surely Tony taught you that … )
3. To continue on with the Hollywood as a dating merry-go-round theme … A good hunk of man-boy meat for Jessica to sink her claws into would be Chace Crawford, don’t you agree? We like this notion for two reasons – A.) He and Tony Romo both dated Carrie Underwood, so this would accomplish a double-whammy nose thumbing (at Carrie, who IS actually a country singer, and, of course, at Tony, because you know how these sports guys are all territorial). And, B.) Jessica (age 28) could use a little dominant, baby Cougar action right about now. A pretty boy like Chace (age 23, which in man-years is like 12) to wrap around her finger might be just what she needs after all these Alpha Males.
4. Though, come to think of it, maybe the pretty boy thing is just not going to work out for Jessica. Maybe she needs someone with a little edge, a little grunge – someone with a few tatts and his very own guyliner! No more of these more-soulful-than-thou mopey metrosexuals or clean-cut sporty Ken dolls! Look how nicely things are working out for her baby sister Ashlee. Who could be Jessica’s Pete Wentz? How about Benji Madden! His brother Joel has settled down nicely with wild-child turned docile-mama Nicole Richie – perhaps good Daddy genes run in the family!
5. Two words: Ryan Seacrest. Would that be a match made in heaven or what?? He’s single, loaded, and apparently has a penchant for big-busted blonds. PLUS … he’s, like, at ONE with reality TV! Hello!
Of course, if none of these guys work out … poor old Hugh Hefner could probably use an addition to the latest harem he installed after his last batch of “girls” flew the coop down the aisle. And Jessica Simpson certainly meets his requirements!