Why It's Good to Compare Him to Your Exes

Who says you should leave the past in the past all the time?
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Why It’s Good to Compare Him to Your Exes

Who says you should leave the past in the past all the time?

-Julia Austin

A woman and a man

I once dated someone who constantly said, “Don’t compare me to your ex-boyfriends.” Now, to be clear: I never openly compared him to an ex. Rather, when we would get into an argument, he would say something to the extent of “well I bet you’d rather be with that teacher you used to date. I bet you’re thinking he was a lot more patient than I am!” and then, of course “…but don’t compare me to your ex!”

He probably said that because he knew that if I sat down and thought about it, I would realize that he was less stable, less sociable, and far more jealous than any of my exes. And you know what? I finally did sit down and think about that. And that’s a good thing.

I know you’re told to leave the past in the past and not to hold the wrongs of your exes against your current partner. And I absolutely agree with that. Don’t hold the wrongs of your exes against your current partner. But do hold your current partner at least up to the standards your last one met. Even though you’re not with your exes anymore, you were with them at one point for a reason—they did have some traits that you liked, and probably still like. So if you forget the past entirely, you might be tossing out some valuable information with it.

Read How to Give Relationship Advice Without Making Your Friends Hate You

I like to consider the character traits of my exes as building blocks towards my best possible relationship. When you’re building the foundation for anything, there are bound to be a few shaky blocks. A few rotten ones, broken ones, and straight-up ugly ones. But you don’t knock the whole structure over and start from zero because of them.


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