Why Women Lose Interest in Sex

Amber Madison discusses why women may lose interest in sex.
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Why Women Lose Interest in Sex

Why women lose their interest in sex … and what can be done about it!

-Amber Madison


Oh the beginning … just the touch of his hand makes you want to go at it on every surface in your apartment. But soon enough, things settle down and you’re content enough to keep it contained to the bedroom. And then, even your pillow-top, memory foam Tempropedic isn’t seeing any action. If you’re like many women, your relationship is pressing on, but your sex drive seems to be left in the dust. Why does this happen? Are women falling out of love? Or just out of sex? The following are the top three reasons women stop wanting sex, and what you can do to regain your libido.

Problem #1: It was “the spark” that lit your fire.
According to Tammy Nelson, psychotherapist and author of Getting The Sex You Want, as we’re falling in love, “we feel an attraction to someone that is primarily directed by brain chemistry. The spike in hormones and an intense release of dopamine, serotonin and adrenalin gives us that in love sensation that’s characterized by compulsive thoughts and sexual attraction.” In laymen’s terms, all those feelings of euphoria and the excitement of a new guy makes you want it – bad. Then, as the initial excitement wears off, and you become more used to the relationship, there’s not as much spark to ignite your sex drive.

Solution: While there may be no way to recreate the initial excitement of a new relationship (it’s just not the same once you’ve farted in front of each other), you can recreate the newly dating sex. Have sex in a new place, in a new way, with a new toy, while watching a hot video, or while wearing something sexy. Nelson also suggests sharing your fantasies with each other and veering away from ordinary sex.

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18 thoughts on “Why Women Lose Interest in Sex

  1. The hardest for me was reason #1… I don’t have a lot of relationship experience (I was single for 4 years before I met my honey) and I was used to dating and always had that spark of newness flowing steadily. It was hard for me to settle into an actual relationship and understand that it’s not because I’m falling out of love or he’s not the one for me. We have both agreed that sex is really important for us and that sometimes we just aren’t going to feel like it, and that’s ok. But we also make a conscious effort to turn eachother on, fantasize, and take risks (like doing it ontop of the mountain after a hike!). Yummy :)

  2. I have had a ton of married women agreeing with me on this point. Every time their husband touches them (hugs, kisses, etc.) here comes the groping, grinding, tongue down your throat, let’s get it on baybee. So the women avoid even the smallest touch, so the husbands grab again at every chance and viscious circle begins! If only men would know the power of the casual hug, the kiss on the forehead, looking your wife in the eye and saying you love her, then walking away. Let her know that every encounter doesn’t have to lead to sex for you. Be sweet and loving. Leave her in the morning knowing that you care about HER not her ability to satisfy you and your chances of some lovin’ that evening will increase greatly.

  3. I agree with ursula somewhat, but I also think that men stop trying. Since (apparently) most of them are only interested in the actual intercourse/sex part, they forget that women both need and want to be ‘warmed up’a bit. Foreplay can be a conversation on the phone, a love note, a gesture, a single flower – it doesn’t have to be a lot of hugging and kissing (although that works too). We women can take that small gesture or love note and work ourselves up all day long thinking of now nice it was and how we’d love to get it on afterwards. Men need to work at it a little bit more, the same way we might make his favorite dinner or sit and watch the ballgame with him. They need to THINK. They know how – they did it BEFORE you were married (or got settled into a relationship)

  4. Despite me being romantic, caring, tender, and communicating my g/f has almost no interest in sex. I’ve tried everything and all in a non-pressured way.

    To all of the women who read this article, take notice of the danger that comes with shrugging off intimacies. Ignore your man or allow your sex life to become routine and you will have killed off something that should have been wonderful between the two of you.

  5. I once thought, much like many of you, that a decrease in sexual interest toward our partner was just a natural part of every long relationship. Sure, things are hot for a while(if they are hot to begin with!), but things just get old. NOT TRUE!! Two things have shown me the light: 1. Sex meditation–look it up, it works. 2. I met God’s gift to women, Beau D. Can you say ‘multiple, polygasmic orgasms’? I can, and have for years now! Sorry bitches, his winky is mine now, so go meditate!!!

  6. Ok, maybe I can find some answers here. My wife and I have been married for 4 years, and things have definately sizzled down. When we first got together we had sex all the time and now it is not that often and when we do have sex it seems like it is just for me and that makes me feel like it is just a chore for her. In the beginning I always let her now how much I thought she was sexy and wanted her but then she started turning me down and I was understanding and backed off alittle. But then it got to where everytime I showed her affection she would stop it before I even got to a sexual point. So after being shot down time after time I am now to the point where I feel uncomfortable even showing her affection. And I have tryed talking to her and asking if there was anything I could do different or what turns her on or what her fantasies are and after 1 night it goes back to nothing. I really feel like she is not attracted to me anymore and I have asked her but she says she is just stressed out and depressed. I feel like I have put forth all of the effort to keep our sex life new and exciting and I get nothing in return. I don’t want it to be just for me. I love doing things for her but it seems like she just wants to get it over with. I am not sure what to do from here. I really feel like I have tryed everything. Thank you for listening and any advise will be greatly appreciated.

  7. Ok the way I see it women are like humming birds if you don’t pay attention to it then its darted off and flown somewhere else. Here’s my thing my better half came into our relationship with past issues. Ok she made a statement to me and said you don’t have to have sex all the time to have a good relationship and i’m like hmm.. I see your point. So is it safe to say you don’t have to show affection all the time to have a good relationship? believe it or not if a man doesn’t show his woman affection she gonna look else where. Then it got to a point where she started with holding sex from me. She said its because I went to dating sites and i’m like hmm…really so i’m like ok i understand and then I didn’t do it ever again. Then she still was with holding sex from me. So I started watching porn lord knows thats the WORST thing to do to a woman right? well lets ask this question if your HOLDING it from him which you are in some form or fashion which would you rather him do look at a film or hit the streets? because before you know it he’ll be out the door.

  8. Here’s what I don’t get you want your man to be honest with you but, your not honest with him. If your man asks baby what’s wrong? and your like nothing and it is clear that there is something wrong are you being honest? How many of you hold grudges and if not refuse to let them go and move on? I should she some hands raised here. I’m reading this article and i’m like hell if men are this bad then why deal with them? Ok now what if the guy is doing the kiss on the forehead and the hey baby I love you and she still isn’t doing her part then what? Because if a man is with holding sex or isn’t showing his woman any interest then he’s either cheating or having an affair right? why can’t he have a low sex drive or isn’t in the mood? I wish for one day roles were so reversed and I mean to the fullest… then and only then will men and women truly understand each other. Until that day comes these articles will continue to be written and there will be people chiming in saying oh yeah I know what you mean girl or hell yeah I been through that before…..here’s my response to that STAY SINGLE…it’s fun you don’t have to give no explanation why you do what you do and go where you want to go…at the same time just remember your going home to yourself.

  9. Ok ursulamajor I dig where ya coming from but, I constantly see women complaining about what men aren’t doing… yet I don’t see anything where they are actually praising their man if any at all. Secondly do any of you know how to keep or make your man happy? And no men don’t stop trying I will be frank there are some out there who are self righteous pigs yes men and women. Could you imagine if people came with warning labels? How many people would actually be single? people are already cautious as it is more so than others. It seems that people can’t think for themselves that they need to read an article to get reassurance for why they do what they do whether its about men or about women. I think I will write an article on why men can’t keep the flames going in a relationship and why women subconsciously put them out. Like I said this works BOTH WAYS.

  10. BTW, I am NOT a fat, lazy, slovenly excuse for a man; I am 6 feet tall, I weight 180 lbs., and I work out regularly. I am an attractive man, and my wife is an attractive woman.

  11. I know this is an old article, but I was driven here in my search for answers this morning after my wife of 15 years has, once again, refused to even touch me! Really, I should have heeded the warnings I got before we were married! She had a rough life as a child, and she has ensured that she passes it on to me with a lack of physical affection ever since we got married. Yes, I have heard all about how all 'I want' is to have an orgasm, but actually the sex becomes meaningless without AFFECTION, and I'd be better off masturbating. I don't want to feel like I am 'making' my wife have sex and I don't want to feel like I am using her. I caress her, I kiss her, I touch her, I fondle her, I give her oral, and all I get are complaints! Before we got married she 'loved' to perform oral sex, shortly afterward, it was 'all men want'. I gave her children and I guess in her mind that was all sex was for! I feel so lonely in this relationship, but I want to honor my vows. A huge part of me is dead because of my marriage to a broken woman, and I don't see how it has helped either one of us. This wasn't a case of me trying to be her knight in shining armor; she is a successful, smart woman, but I guess she has solved all of her issues in life by becoming all she needs. I hope none of you make the same mistake! If you have ANY doubts about your mate's abilities to carry on a warm, loving relationship DO NOT get married to them!

  12. Btw, I'm fit, capable, ….all the stuff No more me nice guy reveals. _Nothing improves, they live in fantasy world._You'll be on these sites 10 years from now believe me. If she wants more kids, shell know exactly how to be…

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