Your Friend Says… Your Shrink Says
Relationship advice from two perspectives: your pal and a pro.
-Libby Keatinge and Dr. Morris Halperin
When you have a relationship question, do you ask your BFF’s advice and then ask your shrink? It’s good to get a friend’s perspective as well as a professional’s – That’s why Betty has it all here for you in one place, side by side – so you can save those hours of texting and precious pennies on being the fierce women you are! Find out what your Betty pal and Love+Sex editor Libby Keatinge advises in your love life – and find out what psychologist Dr. Morris Halperin’s professional opinion is – and then – the choice is yours!
Dear Libby and Dr. Halperin,
I caught my boyfriend cheating because I went through his phone. How do I approach him and can I tell him I went through the phone?
-“Cindy” from Los Angeles
Libby says: I never recommend going through someone’s phone because you never really ever find anything good. Text messages can be misconstrued and taken out of context and an innocent xoxo could blow up into World War III.
But, if you did find CONCRETE evidence of cheating, then you should approach him about it. Unfortunately, if you admit that you went through the phone, you will look like a psycho, no matter what he did. You will have to find another creative way to bust him – or catch him in action.
But anyway, if you are feeling the need to go through your boyfriend’s phone, I find that this is a problem in itself. Clearly you don’t trust him anyway, so your relationship does not seem to be based on trust.
Dr. Halperin says: Well, at this point you can’t go back and undo your snooping. You will have to have a conversation with him about what you found and why it was there and if in fact it is truly evidence of cheating.
Unfortunately, in this day of instant information the only real concrete proof would be catching him in the act. An e-mail from someone does not necessarily prove anything. It may not look good but I wouldn’t end a relationship until I had overwhelming evidence.
The more important issue here is – why did you find it necessary to go through his cell phone in the first place? Did you have some suspicion that he was up to something, based on his behavior? Or, are you just insecure, or both?
Either way, conversation is needed and NO it is not a problem in and of itself going through his cell phone. Taken in context it is all about what the larger picture looks like.
Got a relationship, sex, or love question? We answer YOUR questions here! Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Libby Keatinge is Senior Editor: Love+Sex at BettyConfidential.
Dr. Morris Halperin is a licensed psychologist practicing in Los Angeles for over 30 years.