Ask the Mouthy Housewives: Don’t Dip Your Pen in the Company Ink
…Unless it’s got a six-pack.
-The Mouthy Housewives
Joining us here at BettyConfidential … The Mouthy Housewives! These lovely models of decorum (Kelcey, Wendi, Marinka, Kristine and Tonya) want our lives to be as fabulous as theirs, thus they’re happy to ignore their families to give us smart, cheeky advice. So pop open a box of rosé, put on your favorite Barry Manilow CD and let the Housewives Swiffer away your troubles … Every week they’ll be answering burning questions from readers.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I started sleeping with a coworker about two months ago, which is okay as far as there being no rules against workplace relationships as long as neither party is a supervisor of the other. However, we agreed that it would just be sex and now, what started out as a secret affair has turned into something not-quite-secret and more than an affair.
How do I approach the topic with said coworker about where we are going with this? We aren’t the best at talking (read: he’s a man). While the relationship isn’t off limits, working the same shift in the same department isn’t something management prefers, so things could get complicated were everyone to find out, which given the current situation could happen very quickly.
Co-Mingling With a Co-Worker
Whew! Your question makes me really happy that I don’t have a job and therefore any hot co-workers around to entice me into thrilling sex-only relationships! No, I am definitely much better off just sitting here alone in my cold house. With my cat. And my burrito. And my worn-out copy of Twilight. And my…OH, FOR F*CK’S SAKE, WHY IS MY LIFE SO DAMN PATHETIC?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!? WHY DO I KEEP HITTING ON THE CHUBBY UPS GUY WHO SMELLS LIKE LONG JOHN SILVERS? WHYYY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I’M GOING TO DIE ALONE NEXT TO A LITTER BOX, AREN’T I?! AREN’T I?!?
But let’s get back to your problem of having too much meaningless sex.
Now, I have to confess that I’ve never, ever had a work-place rendezvous (obviously), so I can’t speak from personal experience. However, I think if you re-read your own question, the writing is on the sexy, sexy, oh God, so sexy wall (ahem): put your pants back on, baby.
It sounds like you’re not ready for this hook-up to turn into a real relationship, so that’s why you need to end it as soon as possible. For both his sake and the sake of your career. (And if he won’t listen to you, just write “We’re kaput, bitch!” on your boobs. That’s how I broke up with my last mammogram technician.)
However, maybe I’m wrong and maybe that’s not what you should do at all. So I’m going to ask our amazing, beautiful and very wise readers to chime in on this one. What do you all think? Should she keep on keeping on? Is it OK to do this with a co-worker? Or should she kick his ass to the curb before Human Resources transfers her to the home office in Kzakaitshaantan? We really, really want to hear your advice.
And, uh, if you can throw in your two cents about my obsession with the chubby UPS guy, that’d be good, too.
The Mouthy Housewives spend our days solving the world’s problems and our nights playing classical piano and reading fine literature. Or maybe just yelling at reality TV shows. Need our help? Send your question to firstname.lastname@example.org. (All questions are confidential.) And you can find more smart, cheeky advice at The Mouthy Housewives.