Woman to Women
Baby Fever for one
When only one of you wants a baby
By: Beth Morrissey
Spring is the in the air, and everywhere you look, you see new life. Flowers, trees, birds, bees and, yes, babies are all over the place. Whether statistics support it or not, if you want a baby, then the world around you is in the midst of a baby boom and you’re the only one left out. This can be hard enough, but if it’s your own husband standing in the way of your dreams, the situation may seem more than you can bear. Thankfully, there are a few things you can do to try to move toward a decision that works for both of you.
1. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Respecting each other is the only way you and your husband can move toward a viable solution. Neither should dismiss the other’s concerns, and certainly neither should take it upon themselves to cause or prevent a pregnancy on the sly. Instead, commit to being a team and remaining open and honest with each other.
2. Talk it out. Whether you do better during a candlelight dinner or the cold, hard light of day doesn’t matter. Find a place where you and your husband can be alone and talk frankly. The operative word, of course, is talk – no yelling, screaming, tears or temper tantrums allowed.
3. Feel the Fear. Often it’s the fear of the unknown that holds people back. Regardless of what your husband tells you are his reasons for not wanting a baby, it may be that you need to read between the lines and see that he’s afraid. If possible, explore what frightens him about having children. Is it taking care of the child? Try babysitting together. Is it the responsibility for another life? Maybe getting a pet is a good first step. Try to address both of your fears, and then revisit the issue.
4. Ask for Help. If you feel like you’re getting nowhere fast, asking for help is a very mature decision. Marriage or personal counseling may help you look at the situation from a different angle and spy a solution that wasn’t obvious on your own.