ASK REAL GUYS
Bring Back That Loving Feeling
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I was with my boyfriend for a little over two years. For the first year we dated on and off and became serious and exclusive over the second. We had discussed the idea of one day in the future marrying and having a family. Then I discovered I was pregnant. While I was initially a little taken back with the news, my boyfriend was thrilled and immediately we began planning for our future and our child’s. He had just recently purchased a house and was mid-renovation. I moved in during this time and assisted with the improvements as much as I could. We were completely happy and excited for the future.
During the end of my pregnancy, I became extremely irritable and rather controlling. I knew at the time how I was acting was extreme, but it felt like I couldn’t control my behavior. After our child was born, I thought I would feel more like myself again, but for some reason continued for the next month or so with my nagging and bickering.
At one point we sat down together and discussed each of our expectations and felt a connection. For a few weeks after, things seemed to improve, and then we got into two fights consecutively. He told me he was having doubts about whether or not we could be compatible long term. I felt we were just going through a rough patch adjusting to being new parents. We both said it was something we wanted to work on, but a week later he told me he felt as though he couldn’t try anymore; he was tired of all the fighting and wasn’t happy in general. He said he wanted us both to continue living in the house (now in separate bedrooms) and raise our child together.
We are both completely enamored with our son, and how we want to raise him sometimes appears to be one of the only things we agree on. I left the house the next day for a week (during which time we shared time with our child) to give him an opportunity to move to a different bedroom and have just moved back into the house.
Since I’ve moved back, things have seemed a bit more laid back, and we both seem to be making an effort to at least be polite to each other; although, I’ve pretty much tried to lay low and our only real conversations involve our child. I don’t want to give up on our relationship. Prior to the past few months, we seemed very happy together, but if the person you love says that they want to end things, do you really have a choice?
Avery: Although what you and your boyfriend are trying to do for the benefit of your son is very commendable, the situation is just too weird. What happens when either of you starts to date? Ultimately – and especially for your son’s sake – if you and your boyfriend are not going to be together as a full-on couple, you should each live in separate residences. I would still recommend, though, that you try to find the place that both of you were in during the non pregnant and early pregnancy time when your relationship flourished. If you can get back to that place, then your relationship has a real fighting chance.