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Meet Matt, Avery, Steven and Willie - BettyConfidential's

Ladies - Do you want to know what men are thinking?

Maybe it's time to ask some REAL GUYS for some REAL advice. These men are your insiders to the male mind, and they are not afraid to talk frankly about why men do what they do. And you won't believe their reasons... and what YOU can do to figure them out!

ASK REAL GUYS is led by Steven Gaffney who has been in the trenches conducting communication seminars for Fortune 100 companies. For over 14 years, Steven has helped thousands of people save their relationships, strengthen their marriages, and reshape their lives.

The "guys" of ASK REAL GUYS try to answer all of your questions within 14 days.

Disclaimer: This website is for entertainment purposes only. The opinions expressed on this website are the views of individual writers and internet users and are not necessarily the views of BettyConfidential.com and/or Desha Productions, Inc. The content on this website is not a substitute for medical, psychiatric, or any other health services, and any individual requiring the care or supervision of a health care professional should seek professional assistance immediately.

ASK REAL GUYS

What are Older men Looking for?

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I'm a 55-year-old widow. I'd say I'm average-looking and have an average build, and I'm independent and self-sufficient. Yet I can't seem to find a man. What do older men want when it comes to finding a mate?

Steven: What do older men want? What does any man want? Who knows for sure? I believe all people down deep want to be loved and appreciated - whether they admit it or not. I think the bigger question is are you clear on the kind of man you want? Have you told your friends exactly what you're looking for? Not a laundry list, but three to five key things you'd like in a man? Nail these down, figure out where those men are, and then frequent those places.

ASK REAL GUYS

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I've been married for 11 years and have three children with my husband. I've caught him cheating many times and have always forgiven him, believing he would change. Last year, I found out he'd been having an affair for two years, and I was more heartbroken than ever. He admitted to the affair but keeps swearing to me that he will change, that he will never hurt me again, that this time he's learned his lesson. I'm really confused and don't know what to do anymore. I keep using the kids as an excuse, but the kids are old enough to understand what's going on. Am I foolish to believe he'll change?

Steven: The bigger question is why - knowing what you know about your husband - do you continue to put up with his behavior and expect things to be different every time? You might want to take a look at your willingness to put up with what's happening in your life, as it's more of a reflection of how you feel about yourself. In your heart, you know you need to take a stand for yourself and move on or reduce your expectations of being with a faithful man. Accept that he will have the relationships he is having and will have in the future. From what you wrote, it seems that being with a cheating man doesn't work for you, and you are putting up with it because you're afraid of the unknown future if and when you do leave him.

If what you are asking is whether he'll continue to cheat, just look at the past to see what the future will hold and decide whether you can accept this. If you can't, move on. I also suggest you deal with how you truly feel about yourself and start to take actions that help you understand that you deserve the best, not a compromise. Only then will great opportunities show themselves in your life. How you've handled this situation is not only affecting how you value yourself but potentially how your children value you - and what they're learning based on how this situation has unfolded. Ultimately, if you can't take a stand for yourself, do the best thing for your children. I'm sure they're the most important thing in your life, and they deserve the best as well.

ASK REAL GUYS

I'm a Great Catch - so Why Can't I Find the Right guy?

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I‘m a female professional who has done well in a predominantly male profession. I've never married, although I'm 47 (but look 10 years younger) and have no children. I own two homes, and I don't care what a man's employment status is, as long as he enjoys what he does and works as hard as I do at my job. Certainly I sound good on paper, but I've never had a relationship for longer than three months. I'm not "psycho" like some of the women in the stories men have told me about their prior dates, but I do expect certain things - such as call when you say you'll call, make time to see me, and treat me with respect. I can't figure out why I always get, "You're great, but..."

Steven: I think what you expect is appropriate. It seems you're doing all the right things and just haven't met the right person yet. What you might want to look at is the kind of men you're choosing to start a relationship with - are you clear with them about what your objectives are and what you expect? If you're wondering how you can figure out whether a guy is likely to meet your expectations, ask him what his best relationship was and why he classifies it as such. When he tells you why he enjoyed that relationship, you can see whether his response aligns with the kind of person you are and what you want in your life. Bottom line is - sometimes it takes a while to find the right guy. Just make sure you're fishing in the right waters.

ASK REAL GUYS

Any Truth to He's Just Not That into You?

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I was very disheartened after reading a few chapters of He's Just Not That into You. It seemed a little extreme. How much truth do you think this book holds? Do men really think this way? For instance, if a guy doesn't call for a few days because he "had a lot of final exams" or was "really busy at work," does this really mean he's just not that into you?

Steven: Without knowing the particulars of your situation, here's the deal: When men do those types of things, it's usually a good indication of lack of interest. Having said that, I do think there are ebbs and flows of a relationship, and at various times people are "not that into" the other person. Things can change, but don't overlook indications of a lack of interest. When you witness this behavior from a man, decide whether you want to put up with it and try to generate more interest, or move on. Whatever you do, make sure you interact with him in a manner that indicates you respect yourself. This will inspire him to respect you as well. Keep in mind that the way men treat you is often a reflection of how you feel about yourself - if you don't take stand for yourself, you can't expect others to do so either.

ASK REAL GUYS

We need to move out of his parents' house!

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and currently live in the basement of his parents' house. We are both college students and work full-time. I am trying to find a place for us to live, but he won't leave until he finishes school in five years! He wants me to stay there and continue to live with him, but this is not my cup of tea. As much as I love his parents, and they allow us to live there rent-free, I am ready to get out. What should I do?

Steven: Just be honest - tell him you're ready to get out, and explain why. Find out why he feels he should stay and ask what it would take for him to move out of his parents' basement. If he still wants to stay and you want to go, then you have a choice. Remember no one can make you do anything - we are 100 percent responsible for our choices in life and the subsequent actions we take.

ASK REAL GUYS

Why didn't I hear from him?

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I want to know why you can meet a nice guy, go out a couple of times, enjoy the time together, and yet never hear from him again. No phone call, no text, no e-mail, nothing! What is the problem?

Steven: A guy who does this is just not interested, so move on. This can be a blessing in disguise, as he may know something about himself that you don't know. For example, let's say you're a smart, level-headed woman, but he's attracted to drama and to someone he can control. Would you say that was a good match? No. You have to be true to yourself, and if the man is not attracted to who you are, you're better off without him in your life. If you're patient, you will meet the right guy. Once you do, you'll look back on situations like this and be thankful these men didn't cloud up your life and that you were open to meeting the man you're with. Think of life as a movie - in the middle it might not look good for the main character, but in the end it often works out perfectly.

ASK REAL GUYS

Why doesn't he want a freak in the bed?

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I'm a freak, and I feel as though my boyfriend doesn't like having sex as much as I do. Why is that? I thought that every man loved having sex.

Steven: This is difficult to answer without knowing your definition of a freak. Overall, most men do enjoy sex, but it may be that this particular man doesn't like your behavior as a freak. I would advise having an open conversation and talking about what turns him on and what turns you on. Remember, good things normally happen through open communication.

ASK REAL GUYS

Is Education Intimidating?

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I've been reading articles about men not wanting to date women who are more educated than they are, as it often means the women make more money. Is this really true?

Steven: It is probably true for men who are not confident. What kind of man do you want to be with? Take a stand for who you are and where you're going in life and find a confident man who respects that - and respects you.

ASK REAL GUYS

For the Child's Sake?

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: My boyfriend is divorced with a 10-year-old son. Does that mean he should have a lot of contact with his ex-wife?

Steven: Your boyfriend will probably have contact with his ex-wife for the rest of his life because they have a child together. I recommend whatever is best for the child. It sounds like you have a problem with this, and I encourage you to explore the reason. Is it because you're jealous? Is there a lot of drama involved? Is it negatively affecting his child? Whatever the reason, discuss it with your boyfriend - and make sure your issues don't affect your ability to be the best significant other to your boyfriend, as well as a positive influence in his child's life.

ASK REAL GUYS

Too Perfect?

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I've had a "friend with benefits" for years. When we first met, he had just gotten divorced, after less than a year of marriage. I've always cared for him more than I let on because I knew from the start he wasn't ready for a relationship. Initially, I wasn't, either, as I'm a single mom and was busy with two young kids. But we have a fantastic time together, and now that my children are older and I have more flexibility in my life, I'd like to expand our relationship. I've suggested that we go out together, but we never do. What am I doing wrong? Is it possible to change our relationship after accepting and completely enjoying the way it's been all these years?

Steven: Yes, it is possible, but it doesn't sound like it's what he wants. I would probe to find out what's standing in the way of expanding your relationship. Based on his response, you can decide how to proceed and/or adjust your expectations so you don't keep wishing for one thing while getting another.

ASK REAL GUYS

From the ASK REAL GUYS archives...